her touch my forehead. I let her kiss me just above my eyebrow, my lids falling shut. Long fingers stroke down from my shoulders. This is what possession is…“Your poor arm, my girl. My little girl. Do you want something for the pain?”
I hear her voice, but it’s far away. I’m sliding through the darkness. Even though I can’t acknowledge it, I do hear her say it, the way she has said to Ravi countless times since he’s been here. Do you want something for the pain?
But I don’t need it, whatever it is. I’m already in the void.
twenty-seven
I’m back at the gym two days after I take my sling off. I’m surprised I waited this long. My left side is weak, so I need to start building it back up if I’m going to be in shape for Florida. It’s just over a month away. I’m hitting the heavy bag, working my swing kicks. Fifty on each side. Then push kicks—same. Grab the back of the bag and start skip knees, with my face pressed against the leather, whispering you kill him over and over, but it’s not a question. And then I’m dead.
Jason comes in and lingers by the speed bag.
I haven’t seen him since that night. Amanda’s not here, but Imelda and Noor are.
Imelda doesn’t know about Jason and me, but she sees Noor come over, sees her looking at him looking at me and calls me over. “Wanna hold pads for me?” she asks, even though I’m covered in sweat and my arms are shaking.
Jason looks like he’s about to say something, but I turn my back to him and grab a pair of mitts from the wall. Imelda doesn’t hit hard, but she’s freaking precise. Every hit I take, I feel the impact up through my forearms, all the way to my shoulders. We do a couple rounds and I can barely move my arms. I sit on a bench in the ladies’ locker room for a long time.
Noor puts her hand on my shoulder before she leaves. “He didn’t call? No text, nothing?”
“I texted him after I got rid of my sling but he didn’t reply.”
“Oh no,” says Imelda. “Maybe—”
“His dog died?” I say. “His phone broke?”
“Okay, that does sound stupid.”
“Want a ride home?” asks Noor.
“Nah, I’m good.” I wait for them to leave, then shower at the gym. All the other girls have gone home and I’m here alone.
Jason’s waiting for me by the train station. “You’re mad,” he says, a bit shy.
“No.”
“Yes, you are.” He runs a hand through his hair, and I remember what it felt like under my fingers. Silky, for a guy. Silkier than mine, anyway. “School’s been crazy. I’m sorry I never replied to the text you sent.”
Yeah, well, I’m sorry I sent it. “Okay.”
“Let me take you home,” he says. “My car’s just over there.”
“You have a car?”
“My dad’s car. I’m spending tonight at my parents’ place, so he let me have it.”
I want to be the kind of person that turns down a ride home on principle, but the truth is I’m really tired tonight and I don’t want to take the train. Maybe the truth is about Jason, too. I don’t know. We’ll just have to see.
We get into his dad’s car and he puts the seat warmer on for me. The stereo comes on automatically when he starts it, and pretty soon we’re headed to my house, blasting reggaetón. College boy doesn’t have bad taste in music, actually.
Instead of dropping me off in front of my house, he pulls into the parking lot, toward the far end where the forest begins. Switches off the car. Bye-bye reggaetón and hello awkward silence.
“So,” Jason says.
If he thinks I’m going to bring up the subject of him checking out on me after sex, he’s got another thing coming. I reach for the handle. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Wait. Just gimme a sec here. I want to explain something. After that night you came over, I just felt…I don’t know. Like it happened too fast, everything. Needed to figure some stuff out.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about. Aren’t guys supposed to want it? And now he’s here telling me that maybe he didn’t? “If you have a girlfriend, you could have just told me.”
He looks hurt. “I don’t have a girlfriend. The last girl I dated…we broke up months ago, before I started coming to the gym. That’s why I was into training so much. I