Zack showing up at my dorm, but she found out anyway through the grapevine. Her reaction to that was more intense. So much so that she installed a security system, including a motion detector that turned on the outside lights. I thought it was overkill, but with her living alone, it probably wasn’t such a bad idea.
I emailed Kayla and gave her the low down, and she messaged back right away that she was coming home early for Christmas and bringing Adam, and that they were going to take some time off and stay with mom for a few months. At least until the next semester was over and I’d be home for the summer.
Right. Home for the summer. I emailed Kayla back saying that was great. I had a whole other semester to figure out what I was going to do this summer. I’d worry about that later.
The rest of the weekend I spent picking up on the slack, including paying bills and doing a few loads of laundry.
I caught Mom crying over her wedding album just before I was due to leave and go back to school on Sunday night.
“Mom?” Most of the time I pretended like I didn’t hear her crying because she worked so hard to hide it. I’d cried a little here and there, but nothing like I should be. Guess that denial thing was still going strong.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She shoved the album away and wiped her eyes with her hand.
“No, it’s okay. You have every right to cry.” I grabbed the newly-replenished tissues and handed them to her.
“I just keep expecting things to get better, you know?” She blew her nose and I sat down beside her, looking at the pictures of my then-young parents, gazing adoringly at each other. They’d had their tough times, but I never doubted their love for one another.
“Everyone says it will get better, but I still feel like a part of me is missing.”
“That’s because a part of you is. When you love someone, you give them a little piece of yourself to keep. When they die, or they leave, they take it with them.” Even Zack had taken a little bit of me with him. “When you lose someone, you have to learn how to live without that missing piece.”
She sighed and blew her nose again.
“When did you get so smart?”
“Just recently.” I took the used tissue from her and chucked it in the trash, closing the album with my other hand. “Listen, I have to get back, but I’ll be here for break next week. All I have are finals, and then I’ll be home, and Kayla will be here, okay?”
“You don’t have to take care of me.” She slid the album back into its place on her dresser.
“Of course I do.” I got up and gave her a hug. “You’re my mother.”
“I just can’t imagine what Christmas is going to be like. I don’t even want to think about it. Nothing’s going to be the same.”
“I know.”
She hugged me back and then touched my hair.
“Pink, huh? It looks cute on you.” She ran some of the newly-pink hair through her fingers. I was still getting used to it, but I was still thrilled with how it turned out. I felt more…me with it.
“Thanks.”
Mom let out a sigh, pushing my hair over my shoulders.
“So, is that boy going to be around? The one that brought you to the hospital?”
Mom still couldn’t remember his name.
“Stryker?”
She nodded.
“Is he allowed to be around?”
“Well, I just thought that you said he didn’t have a place to go for Thanksgiving, so he might not have a place to go at Christmas, and he was so great when everything happened that you might want to invite him over.” She put on a smile as I tried to figure out if it was opposite day.
“I’ll, um, I’ll ask him.” It hadn’t occurred to me to even ask Mom if he could come. Stryker and I hadn’t talked about Christmas plans, mostly on purpose because I knew he didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Trish was teaming up with Lottie again, and everyone else had somewhere too.
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“Love you too, baby.”
***
Winter dropped the hammer down on us with a vengeance and we had snowstorm after snowstorm, causing classes to be cancelled right before finals. Stryker called off Band, but the rest of our crew braved the bad weather and came over instead.
“You still owe me dinner out,” I said