never have a baby again. He can just stay up there for the rest of time. I’m not doing this.”
“Relax yer crack, honey,” Mammy said as she ducked a massive fire ball Elle aimed at her head. “It’ll be over before ya know it.”
The suite was now on fire. I’d never been so relieved in my life. Walking right into the blaze, I sighed with joy. If I was going to have to regrow my shmackle, I may as well enjoy the flames for a few minutes.
“I said I’M NOT HAVING A BABY,” Elle shouted as she convulsed in pain. “This sucks.”
Mammy wasn’t so lucky with the next shot. In between the threats to my Johnson, the swearing and the search for the dull butter knife, Elle lobbed an amethyst globe of magic so powerful it should have killed Mammy dead.
Much to everyone’s shock and amazement, it didn’t. The crazy old Dragon simply snorted the purple inferno up her nose then burped.
“Is that all you got?” Mammy grunted and stood to her full height of four foot nothing. “I’d think the Keeper of Fate could do better than that.”
Elle’s eyes narrowed to slits and she growled like a wild animal. I found it arousing but figured if I said anything my lover would decapitate me. I wanted to greet my son with my head on my shoulders, so I kept my mouth shut. Hard but doable.
“Take this,” Elle said with a grin, forgetting about the fact she was in pain and about to blow something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a walnut… if one were to believe Martha and Jane.
Elle hurled a bolt of lightning at the Dragon. Mammy did a backflip and caught the brutal assault in her mouth.
“Are you serious?” Elle shouted with delight. “That was amazing!”
The contractions continued. I watched in awe as Elle’s stomach hardened and then softened. However, my lover was oblivious. She was far too involved in trying to incinerate the fire-proof, smack-talking Mammy.
“Come on, ya weenie,” Mammy shrieked with glee as Elle sent wave after wave of magical blasts her way. “I didn’t even feel that one.”
Mammy took each new attack in stride, and Elle squealed with laughter.
My mother’s mouth hung open in shock. I surmised by her reaction this wasn’t like the womb eviction of God or myself. The suite was now a blazing inferno. Thank Hell we were all some of the strongest Immortals in the Universe and would be fine after a half hour or so.
“Give it yer best shot,” Mammy sang as she approached the bed and rearranged Elle’s body position.
Elle didn’t even notice. She laughed, wound up and blasted Mammy so hard I was sure the Dragon was a goner.
Nope. Mammy took the blast like the nutjob she was and swallowed it whole. Elle was laughing so hard she didn’t see Mammy wave us away from the bed. She quickly sanitized her hands with some kind of rose-colored nose smoke and got into what I could only call a football position. Was my son about to explode out of my lover’s nether regions like a fucking bomb?
“You can trim me!” I shouted in utter awe of Mammy. “Right now, you could ask for world domination, and I’d give it to you.” And I would. As much as I despised being wrong, I could have never done what Mammy was doing. I couldn’t even work the damned baby papoose.
“I’m good. World domination would suck ass,” Mammy grunted as the suite burst into flame so hot, I grabbed my mother and Sadie and flew to the bed to protect Elle who was still laughing with delight over Mammy’s crazed and death-defying antics.
“She does have a point there,” my mother shouted over the massive explosions complete with a fireworks display going off in the suite.
Stroking Elle’s head, I could barely see Mammy at the foot of the bed through the blaze. My son was going to enter the world bathed in fire. I’d never been so humbled in my existence. It was perfection.
“He’s coming,” Elle screamed as she held my hand in a grip so tight, I thought she might wrench it from my body. It didn’t matter. My lover was a miracle. While I wanted to keep my head and my Johnson, the rest of me was fair game.
“This is bullshit,” Elle screamed as sweat poured off her face, and her body jerked in agony. “Do I really have to do it?”