“That is one impressive zipper sausage. Now, I’m real fond of Lizard’s ginormous purple helmeted love warrior, but that dang love plunger is one for the record books.”
“Shit,” I hissed as I snapped my fingers and clothed myself and Elle.
Maybe Elle wouldn’t impale them and hang them in the palace, but I was about to.
Martha and Jane were grinning like the imbeciles they were—eyes glued to the crotch of my pants. If they weren’t carrying large trays of greasy food that made my Siren sit up and take notice, I would have fried them both to ash and enjoyed it.
“Have you ever heard of knocking?” I snarled as they simply stood there like idiots and kept grinning.
“Door was open,” Jane announced, waddling into the room and placing the tray of food at the foot of the bed. “If you’re gonna sling that outstanding wang around, you should lock the door.”
“Jane’s right,” Martha announced as she tied a large napkin around Elle’s neck and proceeded to feed her fries drenched in ketchup.
“Did you happen to bring any chocolate sauce?” Elle asked as she grabbed a burger and shoved it in her face.
“Got it right here,” Martha assured her as Elle proceeded to dip her fries in the chocolate.
It was academically interesting and digestively appalling. However, if my lover was happy, I was happy. Tantric sex could wait until another time. My family jewels had deflated the moment I’d heard the old bag’s voices. And quite honestly, after the names they’d bestowed on my dick, it would be a while before he recovered.
“Would you like a fry, Lucifer?” Elle asked, holding up a few chocolate-covered catastrophes.
“Umm… no,” I replied. “I’m good. I have to eliminate the bastard who’s trying to ruin the worldwide celebration of my birthday.”
“You have a birthday?” she asked. “Why don’t I know about this?”
“I’ve only just discovered the date myself,” I told her as she stood up and began to arm herself.
“Don’t you worry about a thing,” Elle said, putting a few doughnuts in her pockets along with several vicious-looking daggers. “I’ll destroy anyone who wants to ruin your party. Just tell me who to kill. I’m feeling so violent lately it would be nice to use it productively.”
Teasing her back to the bed with a hunk of cheesecake, I disarmed my beauty and kissed the top of her head. Having someone who wanted to defend me was new. I was still getting used to it.
“I have it covered,” I promised. “Lizard knows a badass named Murry who can find the culprit.”
“Mmkay,” Elle said with a wrinkled brow and a mouthful of cheesecake. “Murry is not a badass name.”
“While I agree with you, I have no leads at the moment. I thought it might be one of the Sins, but it’s not,” I told her as I picked up a napkin and gently wiped the extra cheesecake from her lips.
“Ohhhh, I forgot to tell you,” Elle said as she squealed at the sight of cheese pizza. “Strangely enough, all Seven Sins poofed in here a short while ago. They seemed just as shocked as I was. Sloth said something about trying to get to Paris and Envy was bitching about house hunting. Of course, when Gluttony went for my cookies and I put a fork in her forehead, they left rather quickly. I feel a little bad about that. I mean, it’s one thing to stab you. I probably shouldn’t be maiming your daughters.”
“No worries,” I assured her. “If I thought I could get away with incinerating them I would.”
“Okay, good. That makes me feel better,” Elle replied, inhaling the pizza. “Oh, and my new buddies Martha and Jane are searching for their Aunt Flow. If you see her, could you kidnap her for them? Apparently, she’s a real piece of work.”
I was positive I went paler than a ghost. Elle went on eating as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Martha and Jane were rather alarmed as well. I could only surmise that my Siren was as unhip as I was and didn’t know the slang lingo for lady time.
My head would stay attached to my neck for the time being, but I shot the old Vamps a look that was impossible to mistake. I’d warned them not to bring up lady time. I’d actually done it for their own good. If they were stupid enough to speak of it, their deaths would not be on my hands.
Gingerly approaching Elle, just in case the mention of