us. Cheers.” He raised his glass a little higher, and the crowd applauded.
“I’d say I need a drink, but I made a promise.…” Hamlet grumbled.
Horatio messed up his hair.
Gertrude stood at the microphone wringing her hands and said, “Would everyone,” and she looked directly at her son as she said this, “please join us on the dance floor?”
I suggested to Hamlet that he acquiesce, but he refused. As he walked to the cheese platters, he yanked the hood of his black sweatshirt, which he had defiantly worn to flout the black-tie requirement of the affair, onto his head. We all huddled in the corner for a while, chatting.
Just before dinner, my father came and found me and invited me to dance. I did not know the song, but I was content to be with my dad as the band began the jaunty tune. The singer’s voice was playful as she sang, “Maybe I can’t live to love you as long as I want to / But I can love you as long as I live.” I knew it was meant to be sweet, but its lyrics made me feel melancholy.
“I miss Mom,” I whispered in his ear. “I wish she could dance with you right now.”
He squeezed my hand and pulled me closer, so I wouldn’t see his eyes fill, I was sure. I stepped on his foot and we laughed.
“She was a better dancer,” he teased. We kept listening to the accidentally sad song and I wished the band had chosen to play something else. When it was over, he bowed and kissed my hand, then released me to be with my friends. I lingered a minute to watch him transform from doting father and lonely widower to statesman with a mere lift of the shoulders and a purpose to his step.
When I turned around, Marcellus was whispering to Hamlet. Marcellus held up his hand to me as I approached, and I stopped short. They whispered a few moments more, then Hamlet came toward me, his eyes dancing with excitement.
“Sorry to do this, Phee, but I gotta run.”
“Where are you—”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” He took my hands in his and kissed them. His hands were shaking, which didn’t match the thrill I saw on his face. “I’ll come down later. You think your dad’ll be asleep by one?”
“Probably, but your mom—”
“Screw her,” he grumbled as he turned to go.
“No thanks,” I joked.
He stopped and swatted my butt. “Watch it,” he said, and his laughter calmed me. He walked out the side exit of the ballroom with Marcellus.
My phone vibrated in my purse.
Lauren: U lookd pretty
Me: I lookd like cotton candy
Lauren: Hamlt there yet?
Me: Yep. intrstn
That night, I waited up for hours listening to music. When Hamlet walked in, he sat on the bed, pulled off his sweatshirt, then kissed me. It was a more passionate kiss than he’d given me in weeks. Looking back, maybe it wasn’t even passion. A better word might be desperation.
Taking my hands in his, in a voice so quiet it was nearly a whisper, he asked, “If I did something bad, would you still love me?”
I started to pull my hands away, but he gripped them harder. My breath caught as my mind raced through the possible misdeeds he might have committed.
“I haven’t done anything yet,” he assured me. “But if I did.”
I exhaled slowly and studied his face, which was lined with worry. “What are you planning to do?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t—It’s not—Could you just answer my question?” He tucked his lips in and blinked rapidly. He twisted his mouth one way, then the other as if that effort would prevent more emotion from leaking out.
“Hamlet, I think it depends—”
“Yes or no?” he demanded, squeezing my hands so hard, I nearly yelped.
I couldn’t think of what to say. No matter what I said, I was screwed—it was an impossible request. Placating him seemed to be the only option. If he was relaxed, I figured, he might explain himself. “Sure, Hamlet,” I said. “I guess.…”
He nodded with chilling finality and walked out again.
I thought of telling my father, but he tended to overreact under the best of circumstances. I thought of telling Gertrude, but that would have been the greatest betrayal of all. I picked up the phone to call Horatio, but it was the middle of the night, so I changed my mind. I decided to wait and watch. More and more, I was feeling