not steak.”
“Do you not eat red meat?”
“No, I do. It’s just…” I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to share the details of one of my worst bad first dates. But I guess it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like I was here to impress him. “The one time I had dinner here, I choked on a piece of steak. My date just kind of watched in horror while a lady from a nearby table did the Heimlich maneuver on me. Then in the aftermath, he ditched me and stuck me with the bill.”
Shepherd blinked once. “Is that a joke?”
“Unfortunately, no. It actually happened.”
“You were choking and he left you here?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t exactly have great luck in the dating department. Especially when it comes to first dates. That’s probably the worst one, though.” I paused, the menu loose between my fingertips. “Well, maybe not the worst.”
“What could be worse than that?”
“Well, let’s see. There was the guy who was trying to find women who looked like his ex-girlfriend,” I said. “He asked me to take a selfie with him, even though we’d only just met for coffee. And then he sent it to his ex, who also happened to be working right next door. She marched over and they got in an argument. It was really awkward.”
Shepherd’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “The guy who took me to a wedding on the first date was pretty bad, too. It was two hours away and I didn’t have my own car. Everyone got really drunk and got in a cake food-fight. He left me there because I didn’t want to go to a hotel for a threesome with him and a drunk bridesmaid.”
“I can’t tell if you’re kidding,” he said.
“Nope. And then there was the guy who kind of muscled me into playing a no-hands balloon-popping game at a bar. He got stabbed in the… well, you know.” I pointed downward. “With the pin that had been holding the balloon to my clothes. Served him right, though. This was after he grabbed my hips and started thrusting his crotch against me to pop the balloon.”
I pressed my lips closed to stop myself from making this worse. Why was I telling him all these stories?
But instead of continuing to eye me like I was crazy, he smiled, laughing softly. “That’s… awful.”
“Yeah, it was. Needless to say, there weren’t second dates in any of those cases.”
“I should hope not.”
“Like I said, I don’t have great luck. Obviously, I’m here with you, aren’t I?” I closed my eyes again. “That came out wrong. I just meant—”
“Everly, stop,” he said. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. And I have to agree with you on the bad luck. That’s an impressive list of horror stories.”
I stopped myself from telling him that those weren’t the only ones. But at a certain point, it was going to start making me look pathetic. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad.”
“You’re not the only one who’s had bad dates.”
“Well, I know that. Most people have a bad date story or two. But you can’t mean you.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I once went on a date with a woman who drank an entire bottle of champagne while we were waiting for our dinner. By the end of the meal, she’d hit on the man next to us, cried twice, called an ex-boyfriend, had a lengthy debate with the bartender about someone on a reality show, and taken off her bra by doing that thing women do when they slip it out the sleeve of their top.”
I covered my mouth, trying not to laugh. “You’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “I wish I was.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. I guess it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the terrible date department.”
He lifted his glass and raised an eyebrow. “To no more bad dates.”
I clicked my glass against his. “Cheers to that.”
After dinner—during which there was absolutely zero choking—Shepherd drove us home. The food had been delicious, the conversation interesting and fun. I’d had a great time. If it had been a real date, I would have gone home giddy, floating on a cloud of endorphins, and texted my girlfriends to gush about what an amazing time I’d had.
But I didn’t. It had been a great evening, but instead of making me feel light and happy, it made me a little bit sad. Because none of it had been real.
14
Shepherd
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