Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,34

like a gift. The voices quiet a little, and I use the brief reprieve to enjoy the feel of his body against mine.

“Perfect.”

Circus tries to step away, but I don’t let go. And when he turns his head to look up at me, it makes me smile to see his expression so unguarded.

“Come with me today?”

“What?” But he knows what I’m asking. His nervous laugh gives him away.

“To lunch. You used to eat at my place plenty growing up, so it’s not like it will be weird. They’ll just assume we’re friends again. Then you can intercept all the women they’re planning to throw my way.”

“Like a reverse wingman?”

“Exactly.” I squeeze my arm around him a bit tighter and let my other hand run over his back. My breathing won’t work properly, but who needs oxygen at a time like this?

“I used to hate being at your place. Your family knew I wasn’t straight, I could feel it.”

“They didn’t know anything.”

He finally steps back out of my hold. “They knew. And they all definitely know now, because my dating history isn’t a secret.”

When he puts it like that … just bringing him could open up all those questions about my sexuality I’ve been actively avoiding for so long. I’ll deny it, obviously, because having a queer friend doesn’t automatically mean I’m gay. Especially since Circus and I go way back.

And maybe … maybe having them start to ask the questions themselves might mean that if I ever do come out it won’t be a total shock.

Then again, I’m not sure that will make much difference either way.

I wonder what it would be like to be openly gay. And have a supportive family. And to be able to wake up with a man in my bed and not have it trigger a panic attack.

“If it’d be too awkward for you, that’s fine.”

“Oh, it’ll definitely be awkward. And not just for me, because if they ask, I’ll tell them I’ve fucked men.”

“To be fair, I don’t think anyone’s going to be asking you that question.”

“Eh, seems likely.”

My knee bounces. “So is that a yes?”

Instead of answering, Circus takes my hand and makes me follow him. It’s not until we get to his bedroom door that I start to feel uneasy, and as he leads me to the bed, my whole brain is screaming abort.

I keep following.

Then Circus hands me a Magic 8-Ball. “Ask that. If it says yes, then I’ll go.”

“Is this a joke?”

“Nope. It’s how I make all my important decisions.”

I screw up my eyebrows as I eye him.

“For real. It’s literally the reason you’re here.”

“And there was me thinking it had to do with my winning personality.”

I give the ball a good shake, then hold my breath.

My sources say no.

Well, fuck. It was probably a stupid idea to begin with.

Circus covers the little window with his hand. “Maybe it only works for me.” He takes the ball and gives it a good shake. “Should I go to the barbecue today?”

We wait.

Most likely.

“Well,” he says. “That’s good enough for me.”

***

I love Sunbury and the sense of community it brings when everyone is together. For a family lunch, there are a lot of extra people here, and I’m undoubtedly happy I invited Circus to come with me.

Because as soon as I reach the backyard, Leita starts introducing me to all her single friends.

It’s a game I know well. I’ve done the equivalent of sneaking into Sunbury a few times over the past five years to attend birthday parties and holidays, and I’m always put on the same rotation.

Rowan, dance for the ladies.

I’m like a trained monkey.

But this time, Circus is there to field any questions that are too personal, by asking about their lives or turning it back on them. For someone people don’t seem to know much about, he sure knows a lot about others.

By the time the next person arrives, they’ve forgotten all about me.

“Okay, it’s official, you’re my permanent reverse wingman for all of these events.”

“Aww, but you didn’t say please.”

“Because I wasn’t asking.”

“Geez, one orgasm and he thinks he can control me.”

My eyes fly wide, and I quickly look around to see if anyone’s listening in.

“Relax, no one’s around.”

That assurance doesn’t stop me from checking for myself. The last thing I need is to be outed at a party surrounded by family. I have a very real concern that if they ever find out, all I’m doing with Circus to stay in Sunbury will be for nothing.

Everything is