Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,32
bag. I’m packing a—wait. Why am I packing a bag?”
I tear a bunch of tissues out of the box and start to wipe myself down, not sure whether to give the real answer. “Because I’m not an asshole. You clearly need a bit of extra help tonight, and I have a big house. We’ll hang out until you feel better, then you have the pick of bedrooms.”
He laughs lightly. “What about yours?”
“Oh, honey. If I thought you’d share a bed with me for a minute, I’d bother answering that question.”
He laughs softly, but it cuts straight off. “I don’t want to feel like this.”
“How do you feel?”
“Disgusting. Embarrassed. Ashamed.”
I frown, trying to picture a time where jerking off doesn’t leave me feeling relaxed and happy. I can’t let him dwell on it. “You’re not packing.”
Noise picks up on the other end as he moves around. “Okay, done.”
“I’ll see you in ten minutes. And, Rowan, don’t keep me waiting.”
***
Fifteen minutes later, and I start getting the sneaky impression he’s not coming. Half an hour later, and I’m convinced.
I want to get angry, but really, I’m just sad. Sad that his family has messed with him so much he can’t even enjoy a few solo minutes of pleasure. I’m torn between calling him and leaving him alone because I have no idea what to do in this situation.
I never had that massive existential crisis when it came to my sexuality. I don’t know if that’s because I knew Mom and Dad wouldn’t care, or if it’s because I’ve literally never viewed it as one way or another. Being pansexual, I’m open to meeting anyone. When it comes to the future love of my life, I have no preferences other than them loving me as much as I plan to love them. My parents set an example on what a family should feel like, and I plan on giving all of that and more to mine.
The crunch of gravel outside makes my head shoot up, and I swear I see headlights in the hall to the foyer. I’m smiling before I leave my living room, and when I finally get to the front door and open it, Rowan is waiting.
His eyes are red.
“I almost thought you were going to chicken out.”
He laughs and I get a quick glimpse of his gorgeous smile. “I did. And then I didn’t. And then I did again. And now I’m here. Better let me in before my mind changes again.”
I step aside and Rowan passes me, heading straight for the living room. He dumps his bag and then sits down, burying his hands into his hair.
I chuckle as I join him. “Maybe we should have started off simpler. A couple of rounds of gay porn, before working up to phone sex.”
He jolts and looks up at me. “We had phone sex.”
It’s not a question. The disbelief in his tone makes me feel a little bad that we didn’t have the whole limits conversation beforehand. “Did I overstep?”
“Definitely not. It was …” His voice dips. “Amazing.”
That makes me feel a little more sure about it. The last thing I need on my conscience is Rowan being even harder on himself.
I sink onto the couch, leaving a good amount of distance between us. “If you thought that was good, wait until you experience the real thing.”
He huffs and drops back into the couch. “At this rate, that will never happen.”
“Not with that attitude it won’t, soldier.” I slap his thigh and stand up again. “I’ll grab some chips and beer. No better way to follow up a jerking-off session than with alcohol, bad food, and an even shittier movie.”
When I return, I set the bowl of chips and beer bottles on the table and pick up the remote. I drop back into my spot, and Rowan uses that opportunity to shift closer. “This okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, man. Leon sits way closer than that.”
And I didn’t mean it as an invitation, but he takes it that way. Rowan moves onto the section of couch right next to mine, and when I sit back, our shoulders are almost touching.
Considering I just jerked off, there’s no right to have this amount of sexual tension in the room. If he had an issue with a mutual stroke session, I can only imagine the complete freak-out he’d have if I straddled his lap and kissed him.
It’s not something I should be thinking about anyway.
We already have a terrible history together, and he’ll never be