Fake Friends - Saxon James Page 0,18

has had guys and girls after him his entire life, and with the pick of the bunch, why would he want some inexperienced loser like me?

After what I did, there’s no way he could ever trust me again. I have no right to these thoughts about him, and I wish I had enough self-control to turn them off and move on.

I remind myself it’s what I need to do.

My brain reminds my common sense to kindly fuck off.

I can’t escape my nerves all day. It was like this at the burger house yesterday while I was working. At least then I had a constant stream of orders to keep me busy.

Dinner is a bigger thing than it should be too. Do I go buy something? Grab takeout? Jesus, I don’t even know what he likes.

I bite the inside of my cheek as I grab my phone and hover over my sister’s number. She’s been working at the diner for years, so surely if anyone knows what people eat around here, it’d be her.

But … that could also lead to questions I don’t want to answer. And I have no idea how Piper would react if she found out I was gay. She’s had the biggest crush on Tanner since school and then a few months back he shacked up with his male best friend.

It sort of puts a damper on things.

Maybe I can approach this a different way. Tanner has always been friendly, after all.

This phone call is going to be awkward, but no less awkward than asking Piper.

He answers straightaway.

“Hello?”

“Ah, hey, Tanner?”

“Speaking.”

“This is Rowan Harvey.”

“Oh, hey, man, what’s up?”

The immediate warmth in his tone makes me sure he’s never heard the story about what I did, which again makes me wonder why.

“I have a quick question, is this an okay time?”

“Sure is. I’m just going over kitchen plans with Leon.”

Leon … that dude for sure doesn’t like me. I’m not sure whether to follow through or quickly hang up, but I assume if I don’t make a big deal out of this, it’ll probably slip under the radar. Tanner’s a sweet guy, but he’s the last person to pick up on anything odd.

“Cool, I won’t keep you long. Just quickly, does Circus have anything he doesn’t eat in particular, or …”

“He’s vegetarian. Why’s that?”

“Just plans tonight. Thanks a bunch.”

“No worries, Rowan. Catch ya.”

I quickly hang up and breathe a sigh of relief. Okay, that went well. I think.

Vegetarian though, huh? Coming from a family whose idea of food is centered around protein, this is going to be a hard one.

I grab my phone and have a look through a few options, before settling on a vegetarian pizza. Grandma makes the best pizzas I’ve ever tasted, and I know it won’t take much to get her help.

The problem is, do I want it?

Am I okay with going to her and asking for help to cook a pizza for a man I literally can’t get out of my head?

A man whose body was pressed up against me yesterday, making me want things that are sinful in her eyes?

Again, I’m left at that junction between family and being who I really am.

And I still have no idea which side will win out.

I could pretend to be out. That’s totally a normal thing that normal people do when they invite people over for dinner. Right?

Why did I invite him over?

I’m not opening that can of worms.

All I know is that last night when the loneliness kicked in, I’d been tempted to grab the bottle of scotch from the top of the cupboard that I have reserved for next month.

And I don’t want to be that kind of guy.

That scotch is strictly for the anniversary of Mom and Dad’s death. The one day a year where I let myself cry and get completely written off.

It’s not for me to have a pity party.

Besides, tonight will be all about sharing the photos we took together, and then when the fifty K hits my account, I’ll give him his money and he can go.

Easy.

I’ll look at it as a goodbye.

The one we never got.

Uh-oh. My thoughts are going there again. To that wistful place where I imagine how we might have been if he’d stayed.

But he didn’t and he’s not, and that’s the end of that.

Man, I need that drink more tonight than I did last night.

I grab my Magic 8-Ball instead and give it a shake.

“Should I call tonight off?”

Given I don’t have Rowan’s number