but I knew they were there. I sat by Madeline the entire time and read a book. I didn't want my focus to deter sitting next to Kova, and I wasn't in the mood for Reagan's shenanigans.
I was nervous and jittery.
At dinner, I barely looked in Kova's direction, despite sitting right to next to him, which he orchestrated to happen. It took every fiber in my body not to lean in and inhale his scent deeply into my lungs. He smelled divine while sipping on vodka. I couldn't think of oranges and cigars without thinking of him.
It wasn't like I was upset with him, I just lost all sense of self-control when I was around him and I couldn't afford to do that right now. I really wanted to win. So I put myself in the zone and blocked out all distractions.
Once back at the hotel, the teams split up and went to their rooms. Since the elite were such a small team, we all roomed together. None of us uttered a word, just went on with our normal routines and went to sleep.
Gymnasts were well-groomed and disciplined little soldiers.
And it's where I found peace the most.
My thigh was sore the next morning where I had to give myself an injection. There was a slight discoloration around the sight, but nothing that a little makeup couldn't fix. I hoped it wouldn't bruise until after the meet.
Other than that, I was feeling fan-fucking-tastic. My energy was through the roof. Like I’d had a bunch of energy drinks.
After a quick pep talk from the coaches, we had podium training at the site. We marched in dressed in our matching leos and sweats. Hair pulled back in slick ponytails with globs of gel combed through so not one single strand would fall out of place. My nerves started to kick in once we arrived, though I was oddly calm. Podium training was very structured and organized with limited time to warm up and get used to the equipment.
I had one chance to swiftly readjust all my routines so the timing was correct and find my mark to focus on.
Stone quiet and determined, I prepared for something I had never done.
Not every meet had podium training because not every meet is on podium. In regular gyms like World Cup, there was no podium, and every apparatus was anchored to cement.
On podium, nothing was cemented. The events would be raised three feet off the floor so spectators had easier viewing. It's why on television some judges were level with the apparatuses and some were not.
While it was safe and regulated and wouldn't be visible to the untrained eye, competing on podium wasn't the same. The texture may be different on beam or vault, the bars may give more, and the floor could be softer or rougher and have more spring. Usually a set routine was in place to only warm up specific skills set by the coaches. That's why podium training was so vital.
Just another way to fuck with a gymnast's head, really.
Lifting my eyes, I tightened my grips and glanced around. I dipped my hands into the chalk bowl and visualized my routine.
The level of tension that radiated throughout the gym was thicker than a block of fresh chalk. Never did I expect to see the coaches so overwrought with nerves. All you had to do was watch the movement of their eyes and you'd know. It was always the eyes that said everything. If not, just about all their shoulders were stiff and tight, and they sauntered around with their hands on their hips, speaking assertively to their gymnasts. While this was about the competitor and their talent, it also reflected on the coach. It was always about the coach. They wanted to look as amazing as their golden ticket.
Reagan had just completed her dismount when she came over to the chalk bowl. This was my first meet with her and surprisingly, she was calm and silent toward me. I gathered she remember her first time testing for elite and how stressful it was. I for sure thought she'd try to get under my skin and mess with my head, but she didn't. Thankfully.
My warm-up for bars came next. I stood in front of the low bar and lifted my arms toward it. Just as I was about to mount, Kova put a hand up. Stepping onto the mat, he walked around the cable cords in my direction.