close to him, all of a sudden we were kissing. I don’t even know how we got there. He says I started it.”
“That’s amazing,” Avery said. “I love the idea that you’re just all of a sudden like kissing and have no idea how you got there.”
“Then,” Colette said with overdramatic pronunciation, “It all started around winter break. Those couple of weeks after Deon went missing were so tense and I just couldn’t sleep well. I was texting Jaxon and mentioned that I couldn’t sleep, and eventually he came over and we would just talk, and I was finally able to get some sleep. It was much, but enough. We didn’t do anything over winter break. No kissing or sex, just spent a ton of time together and slept a lot.”
“That’s what he told me too, so I can confirm,” Nikita said.
“That’s so cute,” Avery said.
“He was so worried about you,” Nikita said. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“Then, like right after I had the issue with Cherri and the box, when I got home I just broke down. I mean, like full on ugly crying, and he just held me and told me everything was going to be okay and that he’d be there for me.”
“Jaxon?” I said. “He doesn’t speak.”
“You’d be surprised,” Nikita said. “When it comes to the people he loves, he’s surprisingly sweet and passionate.”
“That was when I first realized we were more than just hooking up as one of the last remaining single people in the group. That time when we kissed, it was on purpose, and naturally, everything else followed. Then it was hard to be apart from him.”
“That was obvious based on the fact that you two became inseparable,” Avery said.
“Avery, when Colette clocked that guy with the pan at Nathan’s, Jaxon looked at me and said, ‘Shit, Nikki, I think I fucked around and fell in love.’” Nikita laughed. “I honestly never thought I’d see the day.”
Avery looked across at me. “You okay?”
I tilted my head. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? I’m having fun. It’s nice hearing about this stuff that I missed.”
“You just have this really sad look on your face,” Colette said.
“Is it more guilt over Deon?” Avery asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe. Hopefully he’ll forgive me for having a little bit of fun.”
“Why shouldn’t you have fun?” Nikita asked. “I learned this really important lesson with Nathan, especially after seeing how much I loved getting to know Avery and Colette better, I realized I was living my entire life for Nathan. All the decisions I was making were based on my feelings for him and it caused me to miss out on a lot. Deon’s a grown man just as much as you’re a grown woman. He may need help, and we’re trying, but I also feel like you’ve just created an identity around Deon. I did the same thing, and it’ll lead to frustration every time. It’s okay to live your life. The Deon stuff will work itself out.”
I’d made an identity around Deon. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Nikita said. “It’s okay to live your life with him, so long as you aren’t living your life for him. Who are you when he’s not here? That’s what you have time to figure out now. Let us carry some of the weight while you put the pieces together.”
It was remarkably good advice and incredibly comforting. “Okay. Thanks, Nikita.”
“Nikki,” Nikita replied. “It’s pretty much what people call me these days.”
“Nikki,” I repeated. “Got it.”
Colette chuckled. “She’s not lying about that either. Sometimes Nikita just shuts Nathan down when he gets very Nathan-y. It’s awesome.”
“It’s because we’re the only ones who have any sense,” Nikita said.
Avery lifted her wine glass. “A toast. To being the ones with sense!”
Avery, Nikita, and I lifted our glasses and tapped them against hers. Even if I didn’t think we really had any idea what we were doing, it was nice to pretend that we did, just for a while.
10
Deon
“Well, you’re up early,” Felicity said. I’d just walked down from my bedroom and Felicity was sitting over a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table, flipping through her phone. “How’d you sleep? Has it gotten any better?”
It had been about a week since Felicity told me the truth about how Venom and I came to cross paths, and it had definitely messed with my sleep. If it wasn’t just me laying awake ruminating about all of the pain and damage my father had caused so many people in my life,