Every Little Piece - By Kate Ashton Page 0,32

lose him too. But the words stay pushed down and strangled.

“Oh,” I said. It hurt that he didn’t try a little bit harder. “How was graduation?”

“I didn’t go,” he said.

His accusations came back to me from that night. He thought I couldn’t take anything seriously, that I joked too much. Behind his accusations, he wondered if I was serious enough for a future with him. Last week, I was. I worried he didn’t want one with me. That night in Justine’s backyard I realized how much we hadn’t communicated. We took our relationship for granted. I saw that now. Too little, too late. I didn’t even think about Carly. Maybe he was off making out with her while I was trapped under a pile of twisted metal. I didn’t want to ask, and he didn’t offer.

“Do you need a ride tomorrow?” His words were stilted like he was offering because he had to not because he wanted to.

“Nope.”

He stayed silent. Not that I needed to explain because I didn’t. But he wasn’t the first one to say nothing. No one convinced me to go to the memorial service, because they knew how insulting it would be for me to show up. How would Brin’s mom feel about me? What about Kama’s parents? I’d refused to return their calls. I couldn’t bear to see the judgment in their eyes, the blame all directed at me. I couldn’t do that to them on a day that was for them to grieve and say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I didn’t think I ever would be.

The sudden need to be at home with my parents, on my faded living room couch surged through me. Being with Seth hurt. I didn’t think I could hurt any more, that nothing could squeeze past the numbness. But to stand next to the boy I’d loved for years and not touch him, and sense him pulling away, tore my heart into tiny pieces.

“Can you take me home?” I asked, breathless.

“Sure.”

And just like that we headed back to my house. I leaned against his mom’s minivan while he ran in to tell his parents. How many times had we left his house and gone for a drive to spend time alone? Too many to count. I remembered when he got his license and the first time he picked me up for a date. Our parents made a big deal about it even though we were only going to the movies. He brought a pink carnation, probably picked up from the grocery store. I didn’t care. I hung it upside down and let it dry. It used to be pinned to my board. Hopefully Mom had taken care of that.

In this moment everything became clear. I couldn’t live here. I couldn’t go to college. I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking about Kama’s dreams for Broadway that would never be realized. I thought about Brin’s mom and how this could push her over the edge. I’d caused so much pain.

We drove back in silence. I noticed the new-car smell and inhaled, glad for the lack of memories. “New van?”

“Uh-huh.” He gripped the wheel and stared at the road. He had more to say, but he held back, and I didn’t blame him. He probably couldn’t wait to drop me off and cut me loose. In fact, I’d do it for him. We pulled into the driveway and sat there for a couple minutes. Normally we’d have been making out.

“I think we should take a break. I need time,” I said. I needed forever.

He studied me, and I soaked him in. I took in his black hair and dark blue eyes. The face that I’d kissed so many times. The shoulder I’d leaned on over and over. I wasn’t sure how I’d move forward without him.

“Okay.” His voice sounded husky, but he cleared his throat. “If that’s what you need.”

I was aghast. He didn’t even try to fight for me. Tears rushed and each breath got tangled up with confusion inside. I fumbled with the door.

He touched me for the first time, and my tears flowed faster. “Haley?”

“Sorry, Seth.” I slammed the door and raced up the walkway to my house, and I didn’t look back once. I couldn’t. If I did, it’d be all over. I rushed past my parents and sprinted up the stairs to my room and closed the door. I threw myself onto my bed and pulled the pillow over my head, drowning out everything.

“Haley?”