I want to stay; it seems so unbelievable that people actually have this life, living in a stunning place with amazing weather, with activities you would never do at home available on the doorstep whenever you want. It's heaven and it makes my life at home seem so mundane, so grey and uneventful. I love my friends and family and I thought I loved my new house, but it has nothing compared to this. This is the life I crave, if my parents and Caz were here with me, my life would be complete.
But that's just a dream that will never materialise, so what's the point in even thinking about it? If, in the future Carlos decides to move to England could he ever be happy, or will he always resent what he's had to give up? And on the other hand, could I ever be truly happy here long term, if I have to leave everyone else I love behind?
I just can't fathom a way this would work, without one of us feeling resentful.
“What are you thinking about?” Carlos's words interrupt my thoughts.
“Oh nothing much” I lie, not wanting to bring him in on my realisation if he hasn't worked it out himself just yet.
“I've got an idea about what we can do this morning” he says, back to his usual excited self.
“Yeah? What's that?” I ask, his mood starting to rub off on me and lift my spirits.
“Come on” he says dragging me off towards the beach, I love that nothing is simple with him, it's always a mystery.
We get to the beach and he speaks to one of the staff, he's not stood by any sign indicating what he is there to help you with, so I'm still none the wiser. Scanning the area, the only thing even vaguely close by are the Kayaks, I hope to God that's not what he has in mind, I never told him about my experience with them when I first arrived and to save on my embarrassment, I never planned to either.
The man he spoke to disappears off round the corner, leaving Carlos looking pleased with himself.
“What are you plotting?” I ask suspiciously.
“Never you mind, it will all become clear in about ten minutes” he replies cryptically, I know better than to think I'm going to get an ounce of information from him now, so instead I just wait in anticipation.
It's exactly ten minutes later when the man reappears round the corner, in his hands he has two ropes which lead off behind him. It takes a few more steps before I see what is attached to them; two horses obediently follow him.
“We're going horse riding?” I squeal jumping up and down.
“Horse riding on the beach” Carlos corrects me. It's something I've always wanted to do, the type of thing you see in romantic movies, but never actually do in real life! I'm ecstatic and to top it off, they are magnificent beasts; both white, with a grey dappling across their backs, with long perfectly manicured manes and tails.
I'm still jumping up and down when they are bought to us, Carlos puts his hand on my arm to calm me, “Careful, you'll spook them if you keep doing that” he warns.
I change tact, moving slowly towards the smaller of the two and extending my hand carefully until it touches her soft nose, she rears her head back at first, but after a few attempts she allows me to stroke her.
“Do we need to get helmets or something?” I ask Carlos.
“Nah, just jump on” he replies confidently, I forget this is Mexico, they are so laid back they are practically horizontal.
“Do you need a leg up?” Carlos asks, I eye the horse, it may be smaller than the other, but it's back is still in line with my head.
“Yes I think I do” I manage to get one foot into a stirrup, then Carlos grasps my other knee and hauls it up until it rests on the saddle. Even with his help it's still a struggle to get it over, but I just about manage to get on.
It's been years since I've ridden and now I'm up so high I'm a little frightened, the horse seems to know this too, shifting it's weight back and forth beneath me, as if trying to unbalance me.
Carlos, unsurprisingly, mounts his steed with ease, “Right are you ready to go?”
“As ready as I'll ever be” I say with shaky confidence.