self pity, but the thought of actually leaving here kills me a little inside. Especially now Carlos and I have reached such a crucial point in our relationship; things have taken a dramatic leap forward, we were in love, but now we are officially committed and we have the branding to prove it. Just as we’ve pledged an eternity together, we are being forced apart, star-crossed lovers doomed to end in tragedy!
I’m being ridiculous I know, but something strange happens when you fall in love, suddenly everything in your world starts to revolve around that love and consequently, without it, your entire being threatens to collapse in on itself.
And this is what I face in going home, finding away to keep everything up in the air where it should be, while my centre is an empty void, at least until we are re-united again.
I lay there for what feels like hours just watching my Adonis as he sleeps, little grunting snores comically escaping his lips as his eyes flutter, watching his dreams unfold.
After a while he stirs, stretching awake, “Morning sweetness” he mumbles.
“Hey you” I reply, stroking his hair off his face.
“What do you want to do for your last day?” he asks, still sleepy.
“I don't mind as long as I'm with you. I should probably pack first, but then I'm all yours” I say, getting out of bed and picking up items of stray clothes from around the room.
He lies there watching me move around for a few minutes before offering to help, “It's OK, it's mostly all done, just need to get my bathroom stuff really, I think everything else is in the bag already” I never fully unpack on holiday, it just seems like a waste of time as you know it will just need to be packed again at the end.
I do a quick run through of the important things, my laptop, camera, passport and tickets are all in my hand luggage; there are a few bits of my clothes and some shoes downstairs, but other than that I just need to add my toiletries after I've used them.
“Hey, do you fancy taking a shower with me?” I ask as I'm folding the last top from in the bedroom and placing into my suitcase.
“There's nothing I'd like more” he smiles, dragging himself out of bed.
He's putting on a cheerful face, but he moves slower and his words are not full of their usual boyish excitement. I know how exactly how he's feeling, happy that we're still together now, but depressed that every passing minute brings us closer to being apart.
In the shower we just cling to each other, absorbing every last sensation of being this close, trying to memorise every curve of each others bodies and the placement of every freckle. We make love under the flow of water, holding on tight together, our kisses deep allowing us to convey more than we could ever put into words.
Even when it's over we just stand, locked together, hands and lips desperately skimming over silken skin, needing to caress each part of the other just one more time. It's only when our fingers are wrinkled that we finally relent and step out of our steamy cocoon.
We dress quickly, not wanting to waste a second and once I've chucked my bathroom stuff into my suitcase, Carlos carries it downstairs, placing it next to the front door, while I scurry around grabbing the last few bits of mine from the lounge area and shove them in.
“There, all packed” I sigh, dumping my hand luggage bag next to it.
We both stand in silence, staring at my bags, feeling the full gravity of what they mean, eighteen and a half hours until I walk out of here for good.
“Shall we go out?” Carlos speaks, breaking us from our trance, he's plastered on his fake smile for me and I know he is doing what he can to hold me together.
“Yeah, that would be great” I say back, as happily as I can, although I'm nowhere near as good at hiding my emotions as he is.
The morning sun does however go along way towards improving my mood, even in sad times, its so much easier to become happy again when you're bathed in sun and surrounded by a beautiful paradise; England however does not offer this kind of support.
We meander around for a bit, just walking and talking, as we weave through the resort I become more and more aware of how much