Judd nodded. It probably did. He’d hidden bits of himself for a long time. He didn’t do that anymore. “Yet you thought you knew what I liked in bed because of what I look like. Because of what I show you as part of this pack. You thought you knew what kind of gay I am because you know what kind of wolf I am.”
Colin nodded. “But I don’t, do I? There’s more than just… that.”
“Taking dick? Yeah, there’s more. Because big parts of who I am aren’t in the way I act or look or what I do in bed. Just like they aren’t in the way you fade into the background, or don’t like talking to new people, or find comfort in puttering about the kitchen when there’s a group in the house – because you think of them as invading your space so you invade Lovejoy’s. Or the way you have to wash every single potluck container at a barbecue.”
Colin’s brows arched. He was surprised Judd had noticed. Of course Judd noticed! He noticed everything about his Gingersnap, his beautiful pack mate… his mate.
Judd pressed on. “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be thrown over the back of this couch and reamed just because you’re slender and prettier than anything I ever saw, and flutter your fingers when you’re excited. What we want and need, what I’m like in bed, what you are, that is not visible on the outside. That’s not there to be shifted from one form to the other on the surface. That’s bone deep. Or boner deep, if you prefer.”
Colin relaxed a bit, smiled small and shy. “I’d like to find out.”
“Wanna dick me out, do ya, kid?” Judd let himself be a bit crass. Trying to get that gorgeous blush back on Colin’s expressive face.
“But I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“No one knows what they’re doing the first time. And I was always gonna have more experience than you.”
Colin took a sip of air. Fluttered his hands around. Then wrapped them over Judd’s big ones. Tentatively, Colin smoothed thumbs against Judd’s wrists. His voice was hesitant. “You have been thinking about me… Me? That way? Like, inside you?”
Judd sighed. “I think about you a lot, Gingersnap. More than is healthy, I suspect.” He didn’t tell him the truth because that was creepy. He didn’t explain that back then, not too long ago by his standards, before Colin was made werewolf, Judd had barely had time for the Boston Red Paws. They were just another biker pack, near his territory. Fun to hook up with for a ride or a hunt on occasion, nothing more. Until that one night, when there’d been this newly minted ginger wolf pup. Unsteady and surprised to be alive. All red hair and big eyes, knobby knees and full lips, too pretty to be real.
Judd just stopped.
Just stopped.
Stopped wanting to move on.
Stopped wanting to be alone.
Stopped wanting anything but Colin.
Judd badly wanted to be worthy of something so newly minted precious and copper shiny perfect. He’d made inquiries about the Boston pack, about enforcer positions. He heard rumblings of a new Alpha, of a queer pack. He let himself hope as he hadn’t hoped for a long time, for acceptance and belonging.
He wasn’t going to tell Colin any of that. Because Colin only needed him long enough to learn how to sex, as he put it. Yet Judd had changed his entire world so he might belong with him for eternity. He’d settle for pack mate, so long as he got forever.
So instead Judd told Colin a different truth. “You spend a lot of time trying not to be seen. I always saw you, from that first night. Been looking at you, full on, for a while now.”
“Me?” Colin squeaked.
Judd shook his head to stop from sighing. “You spend so much energy trying not to be noticed, you stopped noticing things yourself. Except threats, of course. You’re safe now. None of us here are out to get you, or belittle you. We all just want to love you, one way or another. I’d like to love on you all ways, learn some stuff about what’s under your defenses. What you smell like when you come. How soft you are behind your knees.” He turned his hand up, encouraged Colin to stroke over his palm.
Colin was focused on touching Judd, but also listening hard. Not yet ready to say anything.