learn daylight distancing. Everyone knew humans were less interested in touch than wolves, so he’d cultivated the skill of denial. He’d thought that to be strong and independent meant no contact, or as little as possible. That’s certainly how his father behaved.
It had become a kind of reactive physical tic. Every time Colin craved contact, he withdrew further into himself. Eventually, he shied away from even the most casual of touches. He knew it worried the rest of his pack, and he hated to worry them, but by the time he and Kevin had joined, it was already an established habit. In a weird way, he was proud of it. As if it meant he didn’t really need any of them.
Maybe some part of him thought it would be a step in the right direction, turning to Judd for physical reassurance. Perhaps this was a way to prove that Colin could be fixed, wasn’t irreparably broken.
But mostly he let himself ask for a hug because of the look on Judd’s face. Colin had never been looked at with such naked longing before. As if the enforcer would do anything to make Colin feel better. As if he hurt for Colin, felt all the things that Colin never let himself feel. Because that would be wallowing, and strong men endured without complaint. Maybe Colin could give a little back in gratitude for such empathy. Maybe a hug would make Judd feel better.
The moment the words left his lips, Judd approached. The enforcer could move fast − he was a supernatural creature, after all. Barely a blink and he was sitting on Colin’s bed, close but not touching. Colin tried to stop himself but he still flinched.
Instantly, Judd stilled, as if Colin were some frightened woodland creature in a children’s cartoon.
Colin resettled himself and leaned a little towards Judd.
The big man let out his breath slowly. Colin could actually see Judd consciously relaxing the muscles in his shoulders and arms, unclenching everything to appear as approachable as possible. Judd’s eyes, dark brown and worried, stayed focused on Colin’s. So intense was the look, Colin lowered his lashes, because otherwise he wouldn’t find the courage to make the first move. And it would have to come from him, a verbal request wasn’t enough. Judd would do nothing without Colin’s physical welcome. They were creatures of body language, not conversation.
Colin imagined climbing into Judd’s lap. He would straddle him – plaster his whole chest against the man, absorb his warmth, inhale him through his pores. But that was too much – too gay, too girly, too desperate, too many things Colin found repulsive about himself. His father’s voice singing a litany of failings.
So Colin scooted close and leaned into Judd from the side.
Judd turned, angled towards him, and opened his arms, waiting.
Colin firmed his resolve and collapsed against the enforcer. His favorite man. His favorite person. His favorite werewolf.
The hug was awkward and off-center, but the best one Colin had ever experienced.
His brother hugged him sometimes, and his Alpha once in a blue moon, and Marvin in a flighty, absentminded, one-armed way. But this was different.
Judd was big enough that Colin could barely fit his arms all the way around the man’s massive chest. Waist maybe, but that was too low and too close to the man’s perfect ass, so Colin kept his arms raised. He could have wrapped his legs around Judd, of course, but he wasn’t going to let his brain go there again.
Judd’s wonderful scent surrounded him, something rich with meaty musk, almost edible, but also safe. He smelled the way a warm comfy leather sofa felt to sink into. Or the way that first bite of a perfectly prepared steak bursts over the tongue.
Colin burrowed into Judd’s neck, breathing deeply. He nuzzled his cold nose just above Judd’s collarbone, where the skin was thin and impossibly soft. He pressed his eyes and forehead into Judd’s throat, using the warmth there to stop himself from crying.
Judd stayed still, probably a bit scared, afraid Colin might bolt, no doubt. It was a valid fear − Colin really wanted to bolt. Desperately needed to. But he fought the inclination, let himself like this insignificant thing that he wanted more than anything.
Cautiously, impossibly slowly, the enforcer returned the hug. He wrapped huge arms around Colin, tightening them hardly at all, not wanting to cage him or imply Colin was trapped in any way. He didn’t stroke or pet, didn’t try to take any additional