coped with homophobia through neglect. Judd ached for child Colin, who’d endured loneliness like it was some earned punishment. Judd, at least, had chosen loner status. “He wasn’t physically abusive, was he?”
Isaac looked at Judd with a frown. As if Judd shouldn’t ask such a thing straight out.
Judd flinched. Maybe he shouldn’t? He was probably being indelicate. But he needed to know. After all, Colin’s father was still alive. Judd could still get across the country and challenge the man. Kill him. Be back in forty-eight hours.
Colin shook his head, looked at Isaac. “Is it wrong that sometimes I wished he was? That he would notice me enough to hit me? Fuck, don’t tell Max, please.” Max who had been hit, probably a lot. “I mean, it wasn’t great in high school, everyone pushes around the weird gay kid and it’s not like I could play hooky. School was the only thing I was good at. I let Dad ignore me. If I were a different kind of child, I would’ve acted out, gotten into trouble, brought home endless boyfriends, anything to get his attention. But I didn’t.”
“Instead you took neglect as your due and faded away.” Isaac patted Colin’s wrist – a brotherly kind of comfort. Judd admired his ability to be undemanding, as Colin hadn’t flinched.
Judd glowered. He was angry at the pain in Colin’s tone. “And Kevin didn’t notice any of it?” Judd wanted a scapegoat. He threw Kev to the proverbial wolves, even though he considered the other enforcer his friend.
“I was always pretty quiet and Kev was the opposite. He’s so bright and noticeable and very…”
“Straight?” suggested Judd.
“Straight. But also an enforcer.” Colin flapped his hand at Judd as if to say, Well, you know what that means. “Something to be proud of, more like our father. More like a real werewolf. Besides, by the time it got really bad, Kevin was out of the house.”
“Bad?”
Colin winced. “Puberty wasn’t kind to me and I was late to it. Kevin left right when I went into high school. It was… rough for a while there. I was… am… this skinny rag of a person, all elbows and freckles. Covered in zits, with big lips and bad hair. Perfect bully bait. I got this scholarship to a private high school. So even if the youngsters from our old pack had been inclined to protect me, which I highly doubt, they weren’t around. I hadn’t taken the bite yet. Didn’t think I’d survive it and never intended to try. Thought I’d graduate, get some scholarship to a West Coast college, and run. Forget that shifters even exist. Just be human.”
“Why did you take the bite, then?” Isaac asked with real interest. He’d never had a choice – Omegas were born werewolves.
“It was the only time Dad wanted me to do anything.” Colin shot a quick glance at Judd, looking up through pale lashes. Judd guessed he didn’t want to elaborate.
Even so, Judd moved into the room, listening hard.
Isaac’s calm Omega presence worked its magic.
Colin stared at the floor with vacant eyes and continued. “I think he hoped I’d die in the attempt.” Another quick glance up at Judd. Checking for disapproval.
Judd worked hard to keep his face neutral.
Colin added, “I think we both hoped I’d die.”
Judd felt something in him fracture at that kind of despair – breaking around a lump of sympathy. He’d lived his whole long life in many ways and places. He’d experienced horrible things – poverty, war, bad packs, cruel Alphas, long stretches of endless loneliness. But he’d never really known despair. Not that kind.
“I won’t take the job with her. We’ll cancel the contract.” Judd hoped the quiver in his voice wasn’t apparent.
Colin shook his head, hard. “We’ll get sued. Not to mention, we’ll be in Xavier’s bad books. You know how Xavier gets. His reputation is riding on Heavy Lifting. We really can’t afford to be on the outs with him. He’s Tank and Isaac’s boss and he’s got a ton of power these days with the local shifters. He’s a good ally. You can’t just back out because I’m a dramatic little idiot. And don’t let Kevin tell you he can’t handle it, either. He’s always been way better about her leaving.”
Judd questioned that. Kevin was older. Kevin would have remembered their mother more. Kevin was used to being worshiped. He would resent and hate being abandoned, but hide it well.
Colin looked up from the floor, finally. He sucked in a