Empire High Betrayal (Empire High #3) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,118

James’. “If we hadn’t been fighting, there wouldn’t have been a prank. And we never would have said those things to her.” He shook his head like he felt guilty too.

I just stared at the three of their hands. They could feel bad about how they’d treated her, but they’d never feel as guilty as I did. And maybe they could just turn off a switch and never think of her again, but I couldn’t. I loved her.

“So we won’t talk about her until Matt’s ready?” Rob asked.

Mason nodded.

James looked like he was going to start crying again. “Yeah.”

They all turned to me. Maybe it would help them not to talk about her. But it wouldn’t help me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I just…couldn’t. I couldn’t talk about her without falling apart. I placed my hand on top of theirs anyway though. Because it was what Brooklyn would have wanted. She’d been trying to fix us. This was the first time we’d talked in weeks. She’d want this.

“Friends again?” Rob asked.

I hated them. But I nodded. I’d pretend to be their friend until I could actually be their friend again. Maybe once I could forgive them for making Brooklyn think I hated her before she died. Maybe once I forgave myself.

“Friends on three,” James said with a smile.

I shook my head and threw my hand up when they did. I watched Rob and Mason walk back into the church.

“I really am sorry,” James said. “She was a great girl.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about her.”

He nodded. “For now. But whenever you’re ready to talk about her again, I’m here.”

I wouldn’t be taking him up on his offer. It wasn’t that I just blamed him in part for the horrible last words I ever spoke to Brooklyn. He’d also robbed time from us. His girlfriend had kissed me. Not the other way around. And I’d tried to keep the secret to protect him. Because I was fucking worried that he’d take his own life. But he was still standing here breathing. And Brooklyn was dead.

I’d wasted weeks of my time with her, keeping her a secret, hurting her feelings…because of my loyalty to him. So he couldn’t fucking stand here and tell me he was here for me. I was the one who had been there for him. Not the other way around. James wasn’t my friend.

“I really am sorry,” he said.

I knew he meant it. And I knew that Brooklyn wanted me to forgive him. Fuck. I took a deep breath. I had to let it go. I knew he was sorry. And honestly? I was sorry too. I was sorry I hadn’t told him right away when Rachel had kissed me. I was sorry that we’d stopped being friends in the first place. Brooklyn was right. I couldn’t just cut him out so easily. James was like a brother to me.

I expected James to walk back into the church with Mason and Rob. Instead, he sat down next to me. Maybe he was the one worried about me now.

I’d forgive him eventually. I knew I would. One day I’d be able to call him my friend and mean it. But that day wasn’t today. It was better that we just sat in silence. It was nice of him to stay though. It made me feel a little less alone. He knew I needed him. And wasn’t that all friendship really was? After all, time was limited. Just like Brooklyn had said. I didn’t want to waste any more of it by fighting with James. And I just really needed my friend back right now.

“She loved you,” James said.

The past tense made the knife in my chest twist again. But they were still somehow the exact words I needed to hear. Brooklyn did love me. And I’d always love her. I just nodded. Because there was nothing else to say.

Chapter 41

Wednesday

Matt

Felix gave me another hug before walking away from the gravesite. I didn’t know exactly when we’d become friends. But Brooklyn, me, Kennedy, and him always hung out. I was glad someone had gotten all his charges dropped. But I didn’t know how to hang out with him and Kennedy without Brooklyn. I didn’t know how to do anything without Brooklyn.

A few more people gave me hugs. And I waited until I was the last one standing by Brooklyn’s grave. Just me and her.

I watched the last black car drive off and then I sat