but you guys need to fix it because you’re both shitty company tonight,” he said in a low voice only I could hear, then held his hand out with his palm up. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive you home.” I fished them out of my wristlet and dropped them into his hand. He smirked mischievously and I immediately realized my mistake. He turned to Dean and I heard him say, “I’ll drive you back to the house.” Dean nodded and they both walked away, leaving me alone with Jamie.
CHAPTER 20
Jamie sat on the stool Louie had vacated and rested his arms on the edge of the bar. An awkward uncertainty bubbled between us as the next band began to perform. The room filled with loud music. Not that I could hear it, though. I was too consumed with the man next to me.
How did we get here? With that thought, through the thick cloud of my frustration, I realized there was no going back for us. At least not for me. I had crossed the line that should have never been crossed. I rubbed my chest, hoping to ease the wrenching regret that had taken root there. It didn’t help.
I wanted to place blame. He'd kissed me too, but…I had thrown myself at him.
Did he kiss me out of pity?
Shit, I’m going to cry.
With blurry sight, I hopped off the stool. As if I had sea legs, I took two steps before stumbling. I barely caught myself in time on the railing. A hand wrapped around my arm, holding me steady. Without thinking, I looked up. My eyes met Jamie’s for only a moment before I remembered I was on the edge of tears and quickly turned away.
He was so close, I could smell him. His intoxicating scent should be an illegal substance with the way my body betrayed me. I was tempted to crumble, so he’d have no choice other than to hold me, giving me one more chance to be enveloped in all that was him, his smell, his strength, his soul. I wanted it all.
Then I remembered everything I felt for him was completely one sided. That knowledge was like being doused in gasoline and lit on fire, consuming me with white hot anger.
I jerked my arm away. I didn’t need his help. He grabbed ahold of me again, tightly this time, and I couldn’t shake him off. Pulling me forward, he helped me walk through the club, out the entrance, and into the parking lot. I tried to yank my arm free to no avail. Then my instincts took over. Turning toward him, with my free hand, I slapped him across his face.
He let go, leaving both of us standing there shocked.
“You kissed me,” I blurted as a single tear escaped. “Did you do it because you were afraid to say no to poor little Maura? Do you think I want your fucking pity?” More tears fell. I couldn’t stop them. I was blaming this show of weakness on whiskey.
His shock and anger seemed to fade. Frustratingly, he said nothing. After a long span of silence, I’d come to the conclusion that my needing to know didn’t matter anymore. Either way he answered, our friendship was ruined. We’d never get back what we had.
“Forget it. You’ve made it perfectly clear you’re not interested. It’s my fault for pushing.” I took in a deep breath, held it, then let the air out of my lungs with a heavy sigh. “Go home, Jamie. I’d rather take on the wrath of Stefan than stand here—”
“I don’t fucking pity you, Maura,” he snapped. He rubbed his hands down his face. “I don’t know how to do this.” His fingers flicked between us. “I don’t know if I can, and you deserve better than that.”
“Do you even want me?” The sound of defeat was blatant in my tone. I expected him to say no and no matter how much it’d hurt, I still needed to hear it to move on.
He gave me an exasperated look. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“Yes, it does,” I argued. “Since I’ve been home, things have been changing between us. The looks, the touching. I need to know it wasn’t all in my head. I need to know I’m not the only one wanting more between us.”
He seemed a little taken aback, eyes widening slightly, but he didn’t answer me, which set me off. “Damnit, Jamie! Just put me out of my fucking misery and