Embrace the Darkness (The Maura Quinn Series Book 1) - Ashley N. Rostek Page 0,49
that guy did was hit me after I provoked him. He didn’t hurt me deeply, even if that fucking backhand gave me some real fucked up flashbacks. One second I was standing there with him holding onto me and the next I was seventeen, being held down on that goddamned bathroom floor. It was the same exact hit to the face that gave Zack and Tyson the upper hand to take me down.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that killing him—Greg, I couldn’t justify it, but I didn’t care. Realizing that, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. I began battling with myself. I fought to hold onto the guilt because it’s what you’re supposed to feel when you murder someone. It was so difficult. The urge to enjoy the high was easy as breathing, but I knew if I gave into it, that’d mean I’m a monster. My mind just snapped.”
Jamie set his plate on the coffee table next to mine before scooting closer. Fingers curled under my chin, gently forcing me to look up at him “You’re not a monster,” he said with so much conviction. “Do you think I’m a monster?”
“No.” I didn’t hesitate in answering. He would never be a monster to me no matter how bloody his hands ever got.
His hand moved up to cup my uninjured cheek. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into it, loving the feel of his strength and the comfort it provided. “We’re not good people, Maura. We’re the fucking mob. Those who don’t learn to enjoy what we do don’t survive in our world.”
“What if I go crazy? What if I can’t stop?”
He gave me an incredulous look. “You’ve always been crazy. I think you’ll be fine.”
I rolled my eyes, then sighed, deciding to let it go because I trusted him.
“Did Stefan tell you he wants me to start shadowing him?” I got my answer when his face became veiled and he dropped his hand. He knew, but didn’t know what he could let on without breaking Stefan’s confidence or the code of honor. I would never push him. I understood where his loyalties had to be. “I’m going to do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“What else am I supposed to do? Get married and pop out a few kids? That’s not who I am.”
“You could finish school and get a normal job while still being part of this family. I don’t think you understand what you’re getting yourself into, Maura. Knowing everything this side entails… it’s not easy. It’s bloody and it’s dangerous.”
“I can’t do normal. I tried for six years and I hated every fucking minute of it,” I finally admitted out loud and it felt good. “I’ve already considered the repercussions and worked through my apprehensions. Even if there’s a chance I might regret it later, I still want to do it because I know for a fact, I will regret it now if I don’t.”
Silence stretched between us as he mulled over my words. I waited for him patiently. When he found a reason within himself to accept my decision, he sighed and nodded.
CHAPTER 16
I awoke to warm air tickling my neck and a heavy body practically squishing me. For a second I thought it was Tom. Then my brain roared to life, blowing away the drowsy fog. Tom was dead. I was back home. Jamie had fallen asleep on my bed when we'd lain down to watch a movie last night. I didn’t have the heart to wake him.
While we both slept, he must have gravitated to my side of the bed. His face was buried in the crook of my neck. His torso pinned my entire right side and one of his legs stretched across both of mine. I wasn’t sure if this constituted cuddling or if I'd been rendered the human equivalent of a body pillow. Whatever sleeping Jamie had intended, his hand had made its way up my shirt and was currently groping my boob.
Oh boy.
Murmuring in his sleep, his whole body shifted, and his fingers flexed around my breast. My breathing stalled. Well, one part of him is up. I gaped at the hard rod now pushing into my hip through his slacks. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. Having kept his promise, he'd never left my side even to go change.
His hand slid to cup the side of my breast, thumb brushing over my nipple. I swallowed a gasp. When