can’t finish Monstrous Sea. I was so close to the end, and now the motivation to do it is gone. Like a dried-up well. I don’t know how to refill it, and I don’t know if I want to, but I have to. There are so many reasons why I have to finish. I shouldn’t feel like this, should I? I shouldn’t feel so attacked. This is what public figures deal with. I’m afraid something’s wrong with me, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m scared I’m going to be like this forever. I’m so scared, all the time.
I don’t know if you can help me, or if you even know what I’m talking about, but you were the only person I could think of who might understand.
Thank you for your time.
Eliza Mirk
P.S. Sorry, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about Children of Hypnos. You don’t have to answer this, and I’m sure you get this question all the time, so if it makes you uncomfortable, please ignore it. Do you know how you would have ended the series? I don’t need specifics; I was just curious if you knew and couldn’t finish it, like me, or if there was no end.
CHAPTER 39
I get through the rest of the school day with the letter to Olivia Kane folded carefully in thirds and clutched between my hands.
At lunch in the courtyard, Wallace hands his conversation paper to me over his loaded tray of food. At least someone’s appetite hasn’t been disturbed by all of this.
What is that?
They’re the first words he’s said to me, spoken or written, since my bedroom. Even after looking at his face, his body language, I have no idea of his tone. Is he upset? Curious? He couldn’t be worried, could he? I don’t even know why he’s sitting with me right now. Habit, probably.
A letter to Olivia Kane, I write back. There are other students in the courtyard today, and I don’t feel like speaking aloud.
Wallace frowns. Can I read it?
I run the folded letter between my fingers. It wasn’t meant for Wallace. He’s not waiting with his hand out or anything. It wouldn’t do any harm to let him read it. Maybe then he might understand what I was trying to explain to him before. He could even tell me if I could make it better—he’s the writer, after all.
No, it’s kind of just for her.
He reads this and says nothing else.
When I get home, I find an envelope and a stamp in Mom and Dad’s office and take the letter down to the mailbox. A few years back, the Children of Hypnos forums came up with an address for Olivia Kane’s publisher, where they were accepting mail on her behalf. I don’t know if they’re still collecting it for her, or if they send any of it her way. The odds of her reading my letter are slim to none, and the odds of her actually replying even slimmer. But I don’t care if she chases people off her property with a shotgun, screaming like a banshee.
I at least have to try this.
CHAPTER 40
“Eliza, why don’t you go ahead and take a spot on the couch? Make yourself comfortable.”
“Okay.”
“Would you like anything to drink?”
“Um, maybe water.”
“Water it is. I’m glad you decided to come talk to me.”
“I wasn’t going to. I mean—my parents wanted me to. I don’t really like talking. I just want to get past all of this.”
“Of course. I’ve been reading over the questionnaire you filled out for me, and matching that up with what your parents told me—it seems like you’ve had quite a roller coaster of a school year.”
“Sure, I guess.”
“Why is that?”
“Everything’s gotten worse. Well, not worse. Kind of worse? I don’t know, worse doesn’t sound right. More intense?”
“Intense might be a good word for it. Where do you feel like it started going downhill?”
“It went uphill before it went down. I don’t know. Maybe October.”
“What happened in October?”
“Um. That was when I met Wallace.”
“Wallace is your boyfriend, correct?”
“Yes. Or he was. I don’t know anymore.”
“Okay, so when you met Wallace. How did things change for you then?”
“We started hanging out. I didn’t hang out with anyone in school . . . or outside of school. Wallace is a Monstrous Sea fan, and it was the first time I’d ever met one in real life. I met his friends too.”
“Did you get along with them?”
“Sure.”
“Did Wallace meet your friends?”
“Technically, yeah. Max and Emmy