easy, and Chase did things the hard way. I had forgotten about asking him until later that night. He showed up with a makeshift stone and a guy who worked at the local ice cream shop. The worst part was he set up shop in the dorm room lobby and ordered the dude to make me whatever I wanted. We had enough ice cream to feed an army.
And I probably gained five pounds in two days.
I clicked my pen and waited for class to start. I just wanted things to be back to normal. My heart still hurt. I mean, there was no way that crap was going to heal, especially considering Nixon avoided me like the plague.
Chase said I dreamt about him, that sometimes I called out to him.
It used to embarrass me, now it was bordering on pathetic, especially when Mo had to constantly wake me out of my sleep and hold me while I sobbed my eyes out.
I seriously needed to look into taking sedatives at night.
I pulled out my US History book and nearly swallowed my gum when Nixon walked into the room.
It was the first time I’d been this close to him since the incident when he trampled over my heart and ruined any chance I had of falling in love. I know it sounded severe, but it was all or nothing with him. I still loved him, and I hated that I had feelings for him when he clearly felt nothing for me.
Even after thinking through what happened that day, it occurred to me that even though he could have been doing it to protect me, he could have at least texted me in private or made it so we could hang out. I mean, come on. He was a mafia boss. He could make anything happen.
Maybe that was the worst part. He didn’t love me enough to even make me his dirty little secret? He didn’t love me enough to even try to make something work. He didn’t use his many connections. He didn’t have any weak moments. The bitterness just kept getting worse until I felt like I was going to explode from it all.
“Dr. Stevens is out sick today, so I’ll be filling in.” Nixon’s eyes scanned the room and fell on me. Without breaking eye contact he instructed everyone to take notes on the movie assignment. Papers were passed out and then the lights went out.
I closed my eyes. Not because I was tired, but because I figured if I couldn’t see him it wouldn’t hurt so badly. I thought I was done crying. I thought wrong, as a single tear slid down my cheek. It still cut deep, it still hurt so much.
“Trace,” Nixon whispered behind me. I stiffened. Refusing to turn around, I pretended I didn’t hear him.
“Trace, don’t be like that…”
Was he for real?
“I miss you.” His lips grazed my ear. “So damn much, and I wish… I wish I could tell you… Damn it, I wish I didn’t promise, but I did. I have to protect you. Being with you. It isn’t safe. You have to understand that now.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and still refused to acknowledge him.
“Please, sweetheart. Just please remember what I said.” The metal from his lip ring sent a tingle down my spine as it connected with my ear. “I always keep my promises. If I don’t — people die. Do you understand? I can’t have innocent blood on my hands especially when it could be yours.”
He sighed heavily, sending tremors through my body. “I had no choice, Trace.”
That was it. I was done.
I flipped around so fast he jerked back and cursed.
“No, you listen.” I pointed my finger at him and whispered so nobody else could hear us. “There is always a choice. I refuse to allow you to justify your actions by saying your hands were tied. You’re Nixon Abandonato. You had a choice, and you made it. Screw your excuses, I’m so tired of it, Nixon. All of it. I’m done. I’m…” I swallowed. “I’m not coming back next semester. You’re right. I can’t do this. It’s not my world. I don’t belong here.”
He reached for my hand but I jerked it away.
“You do, though, Trace. You belong here just as much as anybody else and—”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t. I can’t tell them who I am, and even if I did, what would happen? I’d earn respect because of my family, but it