of growing horror.
“It doesn’t take magic to do that,” said Blackbird, “and there’s no defence in the universe against it. Wardings are useless, power will not serve you and even though you may deny it, it will find its own way into your heart.”
“It can’t be,” said Alex.
“May I ask who the object of your affection is?” asked Blackbird. “If it’s not Sparky, then who?”
“I’m not sure I should say,” she said.
“Alex, if you want me to help you, you need to tell me who it is. Is it someone I know?”
“Tate,” said Alex. “I can’t believe I just said that. You mustn’t tell anyone. You have to swear to me.”
Blackbird found herself grinning, “Tate? Tate the Warder?”
“It’s not funny,” said Alex. “Yes, Tate. There can’t be two of them, surely?”
“No,” said Blackbird, “I think there’s just the one, though that one is large enough for two. And has he expressed any affection towards you?” she asked.
“No,” said Alex, sulkily. “I don’t think so. I don’t know, I think he likes me, but not… you know, in that way.” She handed the baby back to Blackbird who took him from her and settled him in to her lap. “What am I going to do?” she asked, sitting back in the chair and wrapping her arms around her knees.
“I have to ask this,” said Blackbird, suddenly serious, “and I don’t want to sound prudish, but you said he touched you. Did he force himself on you in any way?”
“No!” said Alex. “He’s been very kind.”
“Have you had sex with him?”
“No! It’s not like that. You don’t understand.”
“Would you like to?” asked Blackbird, frankly.
“No,” said Alex, but the words squirmed on her tongue. “I don’t know,” she admitted.
“I see,” said Blackbird. “So, one thing I don’t understand. How did you come into physical contact with a Warder?”
Alex looked evasive, but then sighed. “I followed him. I know it was wrong, but I wanted to see where he was going. We ended up in a wood and there was no sign of him. I got lost and tramped around in the brambles for hours before he found me. I was scratched, and sore, and cold, and wet.”
“You do know how dangerous it is to follow one of the Warders?” said Blackbird.
“I didn’t mean any harm,” Alex protested. “If there’d been any danger I’d have just hopped back on to the Ways – left him to it.”
“Promise me you won’t do anything that reckless again,” said Blackbird.
“Anyway, he found me and carried me back,” she said, carefully skipping over both the promise and what she’d seen in the woods.
“He carried you back,” repeated Blackbird, “and since then you’ve been thinking about him a lot?”
Alex sniffed. “I guess. You won’t tell Dad will you?”
“We’ve already established that not every conversation we have is shared with your father,” said Blackbird, “though if he knew you were following the Warders around he’d be horrified.”
“Don’t tell him,” Alex pleaded. “He doesn’t need to know.”
Blackbird shook her head. “He may find out anyway, Alex. Your father is also a Warder and Tate may tell him.”
“What am I going to do?” asked Alex.
“About your father?”
“No, about Tate.”
“Well you have the usual options. You can declare your heart to Tate and find out if he reciprocates your feelings,” said Blackbird
“What if he doesn’t? What will I do then?”
“Or you can keep your feelings to yourself, and remain as wretched as you are now,” she said.
“Oh, God,” said Alex.
“Or you can take a hot bath, eat chocolate and get over it.”
“I can’t,” wailed Alex. “Don’t you understand?”
“Or there’s the fourth option,” said Blackbird.
“What’s the fourth option?” asked Alex, miserably.
“Among the Feyre, Alex, it is the custom and practice for the females to choose a mate. The males can register a protest if they are not happy with the choice, but it is not their choice. I chose your father, though he has not been unhappy with that choice, I think.”
“A mate?” asked Alex.
“With the intention of becoming pregnant and having a child,” said Blackbird. “It’s not a commitment to be entered into lightly, and if you are not ready I do not advise you take that course, but if you were to choose Tate as a mate, he could be yours.”
“Oh,” said Alex.
“Perhaps,” said Blackbird, “you are not ready for that commitment just yet. Why not consider one of the other options. All of them are less complicated than the last.”
“Oh God,” said Alex.
“Quite,” said Blackbird.
SEVENTEEN
An hour later I was standing watching