home and crash.” Alone. The last part of the sentence was implied, and I hoped that she didn’t make me spell it out for her.
A small twinge of guilt crept up but I pushed it down. It wasn’t like I was canceling on her birthday; it was my birthday. And I didn’t want to spend the entire night trying to put on a happy face. If her taking the edge off of my bad day had irritated me, her smile would probably make me furious.
It wouldn’t be fair to subject her to that. To subject her to me.
“Are you okay? Did everything go okay at physical therapy?”
I knew her concern came from a place of care and genuine concern. She was one of the most nurturing people I knew. But that was the last thing I wanted right now.
“I’m fine,” I snapped.
“Oh…okay, well.”
She fell silent and I felt like a big-time asshole. I wanted to apologize and take back what I’d said about wanting to be alone, but I was scared I’d say something or do something that would hurt her feelings worse than I already had.
“Um, well I already made my mom’s fried chicken, so why don’t you just stop by and grab a plate? Or I can take it over to—”
“I’ll stop by.” I cut her off. At least then I could leave. If she came over, asking her to leave would be another level of asshole.
“Okay. Bye,” she said quietly.
I disconnected the call and my hands tightened on the steering wheel. I hated hearing the uncertainty in her voice. When I’d told her that she deserved better than me, it was the truth.
The day’s developments were still sinking in as I pulled up into the driveway and cut the engine. I lost my campaign to fucking Grayson Locke. My back was deteriorating. I glanced over at the cane beside me. And I was going to need to walk with assistance for the foreseeable future, maybe forever.
Part of me wanted to scream. Part of me wanted to break the cane in half. But another part of me was almost numb. The fire that I’d had burning in me since I opened my eyes in the hospital and been told there was a chance I’d never walk again, was gone.
It was extinguished. I didn’t have any fight left. Maybe I would tomorrow, but right now I just felt like giving up.
When I stepped down from the truck, a sharp stabbing pain shot through the center of my back, and it locked up. Unable to move, I stood breathing through the painful reminder of what the rest of my life was going to be like.
As I walked up the steps of Olivia’s porch, I held onto the railing and had to take them one at a time. I tried to shake off the darkness that was hovering over me. I just needed to smile, thank her for the food, say hi to Channing, and get out of there.
I took a deep breath before I opened the door.
My head was down when I heard a loud, “Surprise!”
I looked up and saw at least thirty people including Olivia and her family, my parents, brothers and their wives, half of the Briggs family including Travis, Jackson and their significant others, the Golden Girls and Mr. Rogers.
There were streamers, balloons, and a banner that read: Happy 30th Birthday, Holden!
“Happy Birthday!” the crowd cheered and some blew noise makers.
My mom rushed me and gave me a big hug. My eyes immediately flew to Olivia who mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
I made my way around the room saying hi, thanking everyone for coming, and assuring everyone that asked that yes, I was surprised. By the time I’d greeted all the guests, the shock had worn off a little and I realized that I would need to spend the next three to four hours being social and keeping up appearances when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and hide from the world.
Needing a second to myself, I grabbed a beer stepped outside and lowered down carefully, so I was sitting on the edge of the deck. My back was still pretty stiff, but the pain was dulling a bit.
Channing ran up with his tennis ball in his mouth, thinking it was playtime. I’d still been coming out and throwing the ball around for a few hours every day while Olivia worked. It was my zen time. I wished that there weren’t a house full of