I just didn’t want to go backwards. I’d been moving forward for the past month. Olivia and I had spent every night together since the Movies in the Park. We ate dinner, played with Channing, then went to bed. Some nights we had sex, but other nights she just fell asleep in my arms.
We hadn’t made anything official and we hadn’t told anyone that we were hanging out. We both agreed it would be better if we just enjoyed our time together without the input of our families and the entire town.
This was the first time in my life that I’d looked forward to something. I was in love with Olivia and I wanted to spend my life with her. I’d almost told her how I felt so many times over the past month, but something kept stopping me. I just hadn’t known what.
Now I think I knew. I’d been scared that something like this would happen. That my body would give out on me. I wasn’t going to saddle her with a broken-down man.
I was leaving for New York tomorrow to shoot with Old Spice and I’d be gone for five days. Originally, I’d planned on flying out today, on my birthday, but had postponed my flight when I saw the disappointment in Olivia’s face at not being able to celebrate my birthday with me.
I normally hated going to the crowded hustle and bustle of NYC. But I’d actually been looking forward to it this time. I’d planned on making a stop at Tiffany’s and looking at engagement rings. Because as soon as I got back, I’d planned on getting down on one knee.
Now…now I wasn’t so sure.
The phone rang and I saw Kurt was calling. I wanted to ignore it. I was in no mood to talk to my manager. But I figured he was just calling to wish me a happy birthday so it would be a short call.
I pressed the answer icon. “Hey.”
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
I knew that tone, it wasn’t good. And Kurt never used the good-news-bad-news question as a joke. There was really bad news that he was going to try and temper with ‘good’ news.
“Bad news,” I answered.
“They pulled your campaign.”
“Old Spice?”
“It’s not a big deal.” Kurt was downplaying the situation. “I just thought you should know.”
“Did they say why?” I had a guess. I was a washed-up cowboy that no one was interested in, but I wanted to hear him say it.
“They went a different direction.”
“A different direction?” I repeated.
“Yeah.” Kurt paused but I sensed there was more to the story. “They went with…Grayson Locke.”
Of course they did. I’d been out of the game for nearly six months and he’d still been running his mouth about me every chance he got. I’d started ignoring it, thinking it was just a publicity stunt, but this felt personal.
Happy fucking birthday to me. This day just kept getting better.
“What’s the good news?”
“You don’t have to go to New York.”
“Great,” I stated flatly.
“Anyway, happy birthday! Do you have any big plans?”
“Just dinner.”
“With anyone special?”
Yes. “No.”
Kurt might be worse than my mom when it came to my personal life. He was always trying to set me up with someone.
“I talked to Luciana, she mentioned she’d been trying to get a hold of you.”
She’d texted me a few times over the past couple of weeks, but I hadn’t responded because there was nothing to say. I’d seen all the stories about her new soccer player boyfriend. He was from the UK and was apparently being hailed as the next Beckham or Ronaldo. Rumor was they were engaged.
We were never together. She didn’t owe me any explanation. And I was just doing my best to put my past in the past.
“I told her you were doing good.” Kurt paused again. “Are you?”
“I’m fine.”
Another call came in and I saw that it was Olivia.
“I gotta go.”
“Talk soon,” he said before I switched over.
“Hey.” I was careful to sound pleasant and not take my mood out on her.
“Hi, I was just checking to find out your ETA.”
Her sweet voice soothed the rough edges of my day, which should’ve been a good thing. Instead, it irritated me. It made no sense, other than I didn’t want to need her. I didn’t want to need anyone or anything. I looked over at the cane lying on the bench beside me that Dr. Weston had insisted I take.
“You know what? I’m tired. I think I’m just gonna go