stop sign he’d pulled up to, I’d wanted to jump out of the car and run back to find Holden in a dramatic fashion as if my life actually was a teen dramedy, but I’d stopped myself.
And now, I might’ve missed my only chance to speak to him.
What if he was halfway back to California?
What if I didn’t see him for another ten years?
What if the next time I did see him, he was with his girlfriend—or worse, what if she was his wife?
“Stop it,” I ordered myself.
Channing slid to a stop in front of me and looked up at me with his big brown puppy dog eyes, unsure of what he’d done wrong.
“Not you, handsome boy. Me.” I leaned down and kissed the top of his head before opening the back door.
As soon as I did, he bounded out to the grass, no memory of just a few seconds before when he’d thought I was mad at him.
Dogs lived in the moment. That was what I needed to do. For so much of my life, I’d spent days fantasizing about the future. I was always planning ahead. I had one, two, five, and ten-year goals.
My mom, who was semi-retired, and I ran the dance studio that she’d started when Molly and I were toddlers. None of my siblings had any interest in owning or operating Simply Dance, so it was mine to inherit. I’d always known that the business would be handed down to me, and I wanted to live up to the legacy that my mom had started.
I also wanted to have kids of my own to pass it on to. I’d been obsessed with that particular desire for longer than I cared to admit. I’d always wanted babies and a family.
The earliest memory I had was playing house. I’d probably logged thousands of hours doing it. My “babies” changed depending on what dolls I had, but my “husband” always stayed the same. That imaginary role had been filled when I was five years old by Holden Reed.
Part of my goal in dating was to recast it with a man that actually wanted the part. Or at least find an understudy. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to do so.
Not yet anyway, I heard the inner voice/eternal optimist (that sounded a lot like my mother) say in my head.
I rubbed my unfocused eyes as I started the coffee maker. Before I could grab my mug, I heard my text alert on my phone. A yawn claimed me as I lifted my phone and read it. It was from Maisy. I would say that it was early for a text from my friend, but unlike me, she was an early riser.
Maisy: Lunch. Spoon. Noon.
She probably wanted to go over wedding plans now that I was officially her MOH. I was excited that she and Bentley had finally gotten together, and they were both so happy. I’d never admit this out loud, but I’d been closer to Bentley than I even was to Molly.
My brother and I had always had a very special relationship. He’d even bought the adjoining unit of my duplex after I’d moved in. He’d said that he’d done it because he’d liked the layout of my condo, but I always believed the real reason was because he knew I’d been nervous to live on my own.
He’d lived next door to me until he’d moved in with Maisy. Now the unit was empty, and I had a feeling he hadn’t sold it or got a renter because he was worried about what sort of neighbors I’d have. He kept talking about putting a fence between our backyards, but as of now, it was just one open space.
Channing pawed the back door, telling me that he was ready to come inside. After letting him back in and feeding him, I poured myself a bowl of dry cereal, which in my opinion was the only way to eat it, and a steaming cup of java. As I lowered down in my kitchen nook to snack on my Cheerios and sip my coffee, my phone alerted me with a ding. I’d matched someone on the latest dating website I’d signed up for, Love at First Click. As much as I wished that I could deactivate my profile, I knew that would not be wise. If I wanted to find someone, this was the price I had to pay.
Pushing down the dread that started to rise up in me like bile, I