Earth Fathers Are Weird (Earth Fathers #1) - Lyn Gala Page 0,67
keep away,” Rick said. The translator voice didn’t sound any different, but Rick’s voice was softer than normal, more burp than belch.
“Clarify. It’s not because you aren’t a warrior. My planet would be dangerous for a warrior with tentacles.” Any alien would be in danger, but Max had never gotten the computer to spit out a name for species outside one’s own, so he had no way to say “alien” in alien-speak.
Rick did the half turn thing that meant he needed to study Max through a different set of eyes. Maybe different eyes tracked different wave lengths. Maybe they connected to different parts of the brain and Rick was trying to find some half-baked logic in Max’s words.
Max caught Rick’s tentacle in both his hands. “Query. Do you remember our discussion about why other species avoid the people?” Max asked, using Rick’s name for his own species.
“Yes. They disapprove of the growing of offspring inside the body. They find us unsanitary. They are more group oriented and find our individual orientation unsettling. They question the cognitive complexity of offspring who are formed cognitively mature. They disapprove of volume and range of tones used for communication. They disgust at the people’s lack of symmetry in form of body.” Rick listed all the reasons as casually as someone might list ingredients in a pie.
Ironically, humans wouldn’t have a problem with most of that. The belch-talking would be a huge hit on certain college campuses, although Rick did have a point about the lack of symmetry. That and the lack of a neck had made Max uncomfortable when he’d first taken the job. Now he liked Rick’s appearance. The pale green of his skin contrasted the red-orange of the tips and undersides of his tentacles. And his eyes were freaky, but that lack of symmetry moved them away from spider-like creepy to an oddly constructed stuffed-toy aesthetic. But none of that would prevent humans from hating Rick. “My people don’t need reasons to avoid others. They make reasons up.”
“Correction. Max does not. Max is of his people. Logic is missing from the statement.”
Max sighed. “I have hated illogically,” he said, and when he thought about his own ridiculous hatred of all things touching on jock popularity, he knew he was right. He’d been uncomfortable with Pete even being on the football team because Max had looked down on the whole Neanderthal clique. He headed back to the bed and collapsed. “Some humans might accept you, but you will never be safe on Earth because some warriors will stop at nothing to kill you. They will be afraid. You will challenge their beliefs, but that has nothing to do with you. Those people would hate anyone who came to the planet for the same reason.”
“Query. The safety of you.” Rick moved close again.
That was the crux of the matter. Max sighed. “I don’t know.”
Rick’s tentacles jerked and then curled into tight balls. “I change ship course.” Rick twitched several times before he uncurled his tentacles enough to let go of the edge of the bed he had grabbed. And then, with most of his tentacles still tightly balled, he headed out.
“Wait.” Max followed.
“No wait. No go Earth. No danger for Max.” Rick was making pretty good time down the corridor, and Max ran after him.
“Wait a second. Just listen.”
Rick reached the lift. “No listen. Max avoids pleasure to remain autonomous. Acceptable. Guards offspring. Acceptable. Puts himself at risk. Not acceptable.”
“What?”
The lift opened, and Rick got in. The doors damn near closed before Max could get in with him. “Query. Clarify avoids pleasure.” The lift jerked downward with far more speed than Max was used to.
“You produced seed when I activated your reproductive system.”
Max blushed. “Yeah, I remember.” Tentacle porn did live up to its name. It was the only kind of porn that did.
“You said to avoid sex because of emotions involved.”
“I did not,” Max protested.
A recording of Max’s voice came through the computer. “However, sometimes sex involves how bodies fit together and the emotions that people feel for one another. That sex becomes complicated, and turning on the reproductive system too quickly can be a problem.”
Max cringed. Okay, he had said that. The lift opened and Rick moved damn fast for a one-legged tentacle monster that imitated a snail’s propulsion system. “I said the sex was complicated, not that I was avoiding it.”
Rick didn’t answer. He headed straight for the control room, and even when Max caught a couple of tentacles, Rick didn’t