cannibalism in a lesson that had defined herbivore, carnivore, and rock-eating. At the time, Max had suspected that some bored linguist had been fucking with newcomers. Apparently not.
“Offspring being cannibalized is not optimal.”
“If you had any other opinion on the issue, I would take two of your tentacles and tie them in a knot,” Max said. Then he pointed at Rick. “And I would pick important tentacles.”
Splashing, Rick made a comical production out of shifting his tentacles to a more protected position on the other side of his big bulbous head. However, he couldn't feel too threatened because he continued to float right next to Max. “Pool has excess of nutrients. Arrival of two offspring will not result in lack of nourishment.”
Max frowned. “Query. Is there enough nutrition for three offspring?”
“Nutrients in sufficient quantity for three offspring.”
Max didn't need a secret decoder ring to figure out what Rick wasn't saying. The two bulges in his stomach were enough to suggest there was a problem. Max lacked subtlety so he came right out and asked, “Query. Is third offspring large enough to survive?”
“Unknown.” The computer’s translated voice sounded so unemotional and factual, but Rick's tentacles drew up into spiral curly fries of unhappiness. Max had never planned to have children, and if he had, adoption would have been choice number one, with surrogacy and fostering two and three on the list. Alien impregnation was not something he had ever contemplated. But now that he was pregnant, he was surprisingly upset at the idea that one offspring was too small. “Query. Will small offspring remain inside?”
“When two offspring arrive, digestive tract is wide and flooded with hormone signal to arrive arrive arrive,” Rick said. His words grew faster. “Third offspring may arrive early.”
Max caught the edge of a filter island and pulled himself upright. “Do you have medical equipment for a premature birth?”
“Translation matrix failure. Clarify.”
“Birth. Clarify. The arrival of offspring. The pain involved in arrival of offspring.”
“Query. Why would human females continue to carry offspring if to carry offspring is to suffer pain?” Rick asked. It was a classic change of topic, but Rick’s refusal to answer told Max what he needed to know. His guts ached. He didn’t want any of the children to die, but if Rick didn’t know how to help, there wasn’t much Max could do. But upsetting Rick even more didn’t seem kind, not when his tentacles were all kinked and curled.
“Humans like sex,” Max said. He immediately corrected himself. “Almost all of us like sex. It's fun.”
Rick stopped circling and started his undulating version of a dog paddle. “The creation of offspring is entertaining?”
“Very. And women like to be entertained just as much as men.”
“The value of entertainment is greater than the distress of pain. Interesting.”
“And untrue,” Max said. “The pain is greater than the entertainment.” Max wasn’t sure if that was true for women, but he found that his one blissful and erotic encounter with Rick’s eggy tentacle didn’t make up for months of gas, stomach pain, vomiting, cramping, and general misery.
“Carrying offspring is illogical.”
“But people like offspring. They want offspring. If the only way for you to have offspring was for you to carry it yourself, wouldn't you?” Max asked. Rick didn’t answer, and it occurred to Max that Rick might not have the right equipment. If Max ignored Rick’s many tentacles, the trunk of his body was significantly smaller than a human’s. His walking tentacle was so long that Rick appeared to be larger, but his body was small. He might not have a digestive tract long enough to give the children space to grow.
“I am unsure,” Rick said. “Offspring cause pain. I would rather compensate another.”
Max rubbed his largest bulge. “I can see why. Your children are large.”
“Yes. The size of offspring and manner of incubation is gross and distasteful to other species.”
Considering that Max had defined gross as involving bodily fluids, Max chose to ignore that part of the statement. No doubt Max's body contained all sorts of alien fluids, but denial was his happy place right now. “Do other species bear their own offspring?”
“Many prefer external fertilization and growth within protective barriers.”
“Eggs,” Max translated. “They lay eggs. Right now, I'm thinking that might be a biologically smart move.” A stronger cramp rippled through his gut, and Max clung to the water circulation island.
“Offspring come,” Rick said. Tentacles wrapped around Max’s limbs. Max might have complained, but the strongest cramp yet hit him. Max cried out and curled his legs