Duke Looks Like a Groomsman - Valerie Bowman Page 0,43
sit in the other. She placed the candle on the table between the two chairs.
Julianna slowly followed her sister, trying to think of what she could possibly say to explain her recent troubles.
“What’s the matter?” Mary asked as soon as Julianna was settled in the seat across from her. “How long have you been unable to sleep?”
Julianna took a deep breath. “I suppose it began after my engagement to Lord Murdock.”
“Ah,” Mary replied wisely. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
Julianna looked twice at her sister. “It doesn’t? Why?”
Mary gave her a sympathetic look. “I didn’t feel as if it was my place to say this before, but the truth is, I don’t know that you and Lord Murdock suit.”
“What?”
Mary winced. “I know. I’m sorry. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying it now either, but I’ve never got the impression that you were particularly happy with the match. Lord Murdock seems happy with the match. Mama and Papa seem happy with the match. But you never have. That’s why I said what I said the other night, about not marrying someone you don’t love.”
Julianna opened her mouth to deny it but quickly shut it again. What good would a denial do? She’d been so accustomed to denying her true feelings that the first words on the tip of her tongue had been an immediate denial. What did that say about her? What did that say about the role she was expected to play? “I don’t know if I love him,” she offered lamely, but truthfully.
The look Mary gave her was filled with both skepticism and empathy. “Don’t you, Julianna?”
Julianna’s eyes filled with tears. Why was something so obvious to her sister so difficult for her to admit? “I don’t know. I…I don’t think I am very happy about the wedding though,” she allowed herself to admit. “That may be why I cannot sleep.”
“How did it feel to say that?” Mary asked in a quiet, reassuring voice.
Julianna contemplated the question for a few moments before a truly happy smile spread across her face. She knew for certain it was the first time in months her smile had been genuine. “It felt good, actually. Quite good, if I’m honest.”
Mary reached over and laid her hand atop Julianna’s. “Anna, you’ve always been so good and dutiful. The perfect daughter in the perfect family. I’ve always admired you for it.”
Tears stung the backs of Julianna’s eyes again. “The last thing I feel is perfect. Lately I feel like I’m quite a mess.”
Mary shook her head. “You’re far from a mess, Anna. But you are only human. And I think you’ve gone about the last few years, at least the last few months, putting everyone else’s desires ahead of your own.”
“It feels wrong to do anything less,” Julianna admitted.
“Anna, think about it. You kissed Mr. Worthy.”
Julianna buried her face in her hands. “I know. I already told you I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, no,” Mary’s voice was soft and forgiving. “I didn’t mean that. I meant that you need to ask yourself why. I think it’s because for the first time in your life, you’re defying what’s expected of you.”
“Being rebellious, you mean?” Julianna asked with a half-hearted laugh.
“Yes, well, as rebellious as you and I will ever get, perhaps. But you’re not happy. And kissing Mr. Worthy was a way to express that.”
Bless it. If only her lovely, trusting little sister knew the whole truth.
“It does make some sense,” Julianna allowed. “But you know as well as I do that Mama and Papa would be devastated if I called off my engagement to Lord Murdock.”
Mary nodded sagely. “But consider that you might well be devastated if you don’t.”
Julianna squeezed her sister’s hand. “It’s not as if I can marry a groomsman.”
“Perhaps not, but the fact that you can’t keep from blushing when you’re in Mr. Worthy’s presence tells me a great deal.”
“I do not blush around Mr. Worthy!” Julianna insisted.
A sly smile popped to Mary’s lips. “Very well. If you say so. I’m certain your cheeks turn red for an entirely different reason around him, then.”
Julianna shook her head and smiled. “I blush around Mr. Worthy?” she asked, scrunching up her nose. Oh, God. If that were true, she could only hope Rhys didn’t notice. No. If he’d noticed, no doubt, he would have mentioned it to her by now.
“Yes,” Mary confirmed, “even though you two have begun trading barbs, which, for the life of me, I don’t understand.”
“It’s…complicated,” Julianna replied, biting her lip. How could she possibly