my eyes, I watch Cameron walk up the hospital corridor toward Elsie, his patient’s wife. The lump in my throat is making it hard to breathe as I try to remain professional. John didn’t survive the operation. On the seventh hour of surgery, after Cameron had done everything he could, John’s heart gave way. In what can only be described as the most traumatic experience of my life, I watched Cameron fight for forty minutes to save him. The entire operating surgery was in tears as we watched him fight and fight.
He wouldn’t give up.
In the end there was nothing he could do, and it was the nurses who urged him to stop.
With his gloves in his hand, he approaches Elsie and hangs his head. He says something and then her hands fly over her mouth in shock. She drops her head and burst into tears. Cameron takes her into his arms and holds her for an extended time. My tears break the dam and roll down my face. I glance around to see Amber and Zane in tears as they watch, also.
This isn’t how it is supposed to go.
This isn’t how things are supposed to go.
Two senior nurses, who had been waiting in the wings, approach them and pry her from Cameron’s arms to take over and usher her down to an office.
Cameron falls into a seat in the corridor, and with his elbows on his knees and still dressed in his scrubs, he hangs his head.
Oh God. He’s devastated.
His pain is palpable.
His partner, the other surgeon, walks around the corner after obviously hearing what has happened. He puts his hand on Cameron’s shoulder in sympathy and sits down next to him.
They both sit in silence and say nothing.
What is there to say?
I didn’t see Cameron for the rest of the day today. He went home not long after John died. He didn’t answer his phone when I called him, either. It’s after eight when I pull into his driveway. At the security gates, the guard approaches the car. Oh shit, I forgot about this nonsense.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I’m here to see Cameron,” I say nervously. He probably won’t even let me in.
“Is he expecting you?” he asks.
“No. I came to see if he’s alright.”
The security guard frowns, puzzled. “What’s your name?”
“Ashley Tucker.”
He disappears into the watch house and I see him pick up the phone. A moment later the huge gates open and he waves me through. I park the car and walk nervously up to the front door. My heart is beating so hard in my chest. I open the door and walk in.
“Hello?” I call out.
I glance around and don’t see anyone, so I walk into the kitchen. Where is he? I see the lights on in the backyard, so I open the door and walk out into the resort-like pool area.
Cameron is sitting in the dark on a deckchair with a glass of scotch in his hand.
“Hey.” I smile sadly as I walk toward him.
“Hi,” he replies flatly.
I sit next to him. “You okay?”
He nods.
We sit for a while in the silence. I’m unsure what to say because everything is the wrong thing at this point.
Finally, I ask, “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
“Not hungry,” he whispers, almost to himself.
I watch him struggle to contain his emotion. “How many patients have you lost in surgery?”
“Five,” he replies, emotionless.
I nod.
“Five too many,” he adds softly.
I stare out at the pool in front of us. I wish there was something I could do to take away his hurt. “Do you want me to go?”
He shakes his head.
I bite my bottom lip as I watch him. “How can I help you?” I whisper.
His eyes stay focused on the pool in front of us.
“Can you make me forget the day I’ve just had?” he whispers sadly.
I stare out at the pool. “I think I can.”
A trace of a smile crosses his lips as he sips his drink.
“Do you want to show me what this bondage thing you like is all about?”
His eyes flicker to me.
“I’ve never done it.” I smile shyly. “But… would that take your mind off things?”
Arousal flickers like fire in his eyes, and suddenly, I don’t know if that was a good suggestion.
“It would,” he whispers darkly. Without another word, he stands and takes me by the hand, leading me into the house and slowly up the stairs to his bedroom.
We get to his room and he slides my shirt over my head, and