I think back to the ad in the classifieds—how different things could have been… if only...
I walk back into the bathroom feeling very rejected, and hop under the hot water, lost in my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so exhausted or because I have realized just how much I stand to lose when the truth comes out, but I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
A strip club, me working for him, and risking my job just by being here, falling in love…
I’m acting happy and carefree when all I want to do is beg on my hands and knees for him to accept Owen and for the three of us to make a go of it. What seems like a long time later, I feel Cam get in the shower behind me. He takes me in his large arms and holds me close, his large muscular body cradling mine. “You tired, Bloss?” he asks as he starts to soap up my body.
Unable to think through my fragile mind, I nod as I put my head on his chest and he washes my back.
“It’s okay. We’re home now, baby,” he whispers above me with a gentle kiss.
With his arms around me and the hot water running over the two of us, I feel myself fall further into the abyss of Heaven. Unfortunately, with it comes a sense of dread.
There is a lot at stake here.
I fear it’s more than my poor heart can survive.
“Good morning, Dr. Stanton.” The surgery nurse smiles.
“Good morning,” he replies chirpily to everyone as he approaches the group. Wearing navy scrubs and a hat, this is still most definitely my favorite outfit that Cameron wears.
It’s surgery day and the interns are watching from the station. I’m in the operating room as an assistant. We’ve all taken turns and today it just happens to be mine. We are in the changeover room where patients say goodbye to their loved ones. I left Cameron’s in darkness during the early hours of this morning when he got up to go to the gym. Now at work, I’m feeling very jumpy indeed. What if someone discovers we went away with each other?
What if someone saw us?
Would I get sacked from my job if they did? I glance around at the other people in the room. Can they tell that we are sleeping together from our body language? My heart is hammering in my chest.
God, what a fuckup my life is. Don’t talk to him at all. Just say nothing. It’s safer.
The patient—an overweight man in his early fifties—is wheeled in with his wife walking behind.
“The big day is finally here. This is John, everyone.” Cameron tells us through a smile.
“Hello, John,” we all reply. Cameron takes the man’s hand in his. John coughs, as though short of breath. He looks up at Cameron, his fear evident. “Just make sure I wake up, hey, doc?” he says roughly.
Cameron smiles warmly. “Everything’s going to be fine, John. I do this operation all the time. We’ll have you back on that golf course in no time.” Cameron’s eyes flicker to the man’s wife as she wipes her tears with a tissue. The poor woman is frantic with fear. “He’s going to be okay,” Cameron reassures her. “Say your goodbyes and he will be back with you in approximately eight hours.”
“Eight hours?” she gasps.
He smiles sympathetically. “It takes a long time to repair hearts, Elsie. We can’t rush these things.”
Elsie bends and holds her husband in what she fears will be their last embrace. Cameron moves back to give them space and finally, she gives him one last kiss and is shown from the room, unable to hide her tears. The anaesthetist moves in and explains the procedure and puts the cannula in, while Cameron goes back to holding the man’s hand and making small talk about football to take the terrified man’s mind off what is about to happen.
This is life or death surgery.
If I didn’t love him before.
I most definitively do now.
He was born to be a doctor—to save lives. His purpose is greater than the average human’s. That cheeky, playful personality is a mask for a man who is very in tune with the people around him, a man who has a gift to save lives. The empathy he has for his patient has torn a huge hole in my defences.