Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,44
that really happened.)
When we’re prepared, we’re available to seize opportunities as they present themselves, whether they are thrust upon us or we invite them in. Sometimes plans get thrown off and we have to recalibrate, as we’ve already discussed—but sometimes an opportunity appears where we weren’t expecting it.
When we build in margin, we’re not just preparing for things to go wrong. We’re also preparing for things to go unexpectedly right. When I was young, my mom always told me to do my homework early so that if I wanted to play with a friend, I’d be able to. I wouldn’t be stuck at home rushing to finish my homework. Now that I’m an adult, this advice continues to be true—even if the details now look a little different.
When we’re prepared, we can take advantage of opportunities as they arise. It’s one thing to tell yourself that you value your personal relationships, but it’s another to make space in your schedule to live this out. For example: If I’m dropping something off at a friend’s house and she invites me to stay for a cup of tea, sometimes the answer has to be no. But if I make a habit of building margin into my days, I can say yes without panicking about getting through my to-do list. I can take the time to sit and have a nice conversation instead of rushing out the door.
When we have wiggle room in our schedules, we can choose to be there in the moments life presents us with. Sometimes these take us by surprise, but sometimes we can see them coming, like last year when we were eagerly awaiting news on our friend’s tenure application. After a lengthy process, we knew he was supposed to find out any day. On the day Will and I heard the good news, we took another look at our to-do lists, saw we had margin, and ran to the wine shop for a bottle of champagne. We dropped it off at his house right then, in the middle of the day, and got to congratulate him in person. We couldn’t have done this if we hadn’t made a practice of building leeway into our schedules.
Not being in survival mode means it’s not such a production to embrace spontaneity. This is the same reason we build in extra time in case someone gets the flu right before a big deadline, but it’s the fun version.
If your house is tidy enough, you can be hospitable (or you could just be ready to pile everything in the laundry basket to clean up). If your chores are done (or at least not terribly overdue), you’re free to do something fun with friends when the prospect presents itself. Our family has gotten better about deliberately embracing these spontaneous opportunities, like bumping into friends and inviting them to come back to our house for lunch. When the fridge is stocked and the work is more or less done, it opens up room to bring more unplanned joy into our lives.
Because it’s different, breaking from routine can be especially memorable. So lean in. Maybe you glimpse the makings of a lovely sunset, so you take a walk to get a good look. Maybe the weather is exceptionally brilliant, so you scrap your Saturday chores and head to the park. (On a beautiful and unseasonably warm day, it often seems like the whole city is at the park, for exactly this reason.) In these instances, you may need to remind yourself that the status quo is always the easier path. But staying home isn’t memorable—there’s a reason to take action!
Take Advantage of These Opportunities
You may not rejoice when your plan goes awry or your routine is disrupted; many overthinkers innately cling to structure and predictability. Consider that your routines and plans—when you build in margin—create space for spontaneity.
When faced with an unexpected moment of decision, it’s easy to freeze. But to get to the other side where the good stuff is, you have to enter into the messy middle of uncertainty and decision. The joy is at the end, and the only way out is through.
Sure, this can be hard. When you’re forced to pivot, you have to decide, and maybe you don’t want to. It’s easier to go with the path of least resistance. But there are reasons for being smart about spontaneity. Don’t waste those opportunities; take advantage of them.
Next Steps
1. How do you typically react when things change unexpectedly?
2. What’s the last