Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,43

so. We felt no pressure, and so we leaned into the strangeness of the day, expecting good things—and we found them.

A few years ago, Will and I had another New York experience, similar to the one I told you about, but this time we handled the sideways moment much better. It was the last morning of a fun and productive business trip. We had only a few more hours in town; our bags were already packed and waiting with the bellhop so we could explore unencumbered before heading to the airport for our 2:00 p.m. flight. We were standing at the 9/11 memorial when our phones chirped with identical texts: our flight had been canceled, no more flights were available that day, and we’d already been rebooked to fly out the next morning. Will and I suddenly found ourselves with an extra eighteen hours in New York.

We wouldn’t have wished for this to happen; we’d planned to come home when we did for good reason. But after surveying our options and confirming that we were indeed “stuck” in the city for another night, we relished the possibilities. What could we do with that time?

We’d carefully planned every minute of the previous days in town, but now, faced with eighteen open hours, we didn’t panic about how “best” to spend them. It all looked like bonus time, and we were up for anything. (At least we were once we confirmed our kids at home could stay with my mom another night and we could check right back into our same hotel.) We didn’t have a careful plan, because how could we? We hadn’t expected to still be around, but since we were, we’d put that time to good use. We felt like there was no way we could screw it up.

We weren’t striving to do memorable things; the situation itself was memorable enough. We went to a museum we hadn’t had time for, ate at a neighborhood spot that looked promising, and walked miles and miles.

While Will and I didn’t choose for our flight to be canceled, other times it’s our own mistakes that take us off script. Take this example from my friend Bill.

He and his wife, Sheila, enjoy touring wineries when they travel and often purchase bottles of wine to bring home as souvenirs. One ordinary Tuesday, Sheila opened a bottle of wine to go with their dinner. She poured two glasses and took a sip, saying, “This is really good.” Bill took a sip and concurred. It was incredibly good. He took a close look at the label to see what they were drinking, and that’s when he realized their mistake—they’d inadvertently opened an eighty-dollar bottle they’d been saving for a special occasion! They could have kicked themselves for the mix-up, but instead of indulging regret, they decided to lean into their “mistake.” Their ordinary Tuesday evening turned into the special occasion they’d been waiting for. They got out the cloth napkins, lit candles, and lingered over dinner, talking about the wineries they’d visited in the past and those they hoped to visit in the future. From those visits, they’d bring home more souvenir bottles, bottles that could be the makings of future special, ordinary nights.

I’m reminded of a scene from the Alexander Payne movie Sideways, in which Miles confesses to his friend Maya that he hasn’t yet opened a ’61 Cheval Blanc because he’s been waiting for a special occasion, even though he’s already had it so long it is in danger of going bad. Maya encourages him, saying, “The day you open a ’61 Cheval Blanc, that’s the special occasion.”

Build In Margin for the Unexpected

Sometimes spontaneity is thrust upon us, but what about those times when we have a choice of whether to veer off script? When we are invited rather than forced to be spontaneous? I’ve found it’s much easier to lean into those moments if I make space in my life for the unexpected.

When we’re operating at 100 percent capacity, we’re unable to deviate from our plans. We don’t have the margin. But by making space in our schedules—that is, by not maintaining lives and calendars that are jammed to capacity—we are better able to improvise. One of the ways I do this is by planning to meet my deadlines early, knowing full well that things go wrong and schedules get disrupted. Someone gets the flu, the internet goes out, the space bar on my laptop quits working at exactly the wrong moment. (Yes,