it only ends one way. I will break your heart, Sicily. And…” He dropped his gaze again. “You’re the last person in the world I would ever, ever hurt…because I care about you deeply.”
It was so painful to be so close to what I wanted, but I couldn’t actually reach out and touch it, couldn’t actually feel it with my fingertips. My eyes started to water, and I blinked a couple times to keep the emotion back.
Dex kept his eyes down, like he wanted to pretend he didn’t notice. “If we were just two people attracted to each other who wanted to bang it out over the weekend, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. But that’s not how it is between us.”
Because there was more. “Dex, I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m not asking for a deep commitment that will last a lifetime. I’m just asking for a beginning, an opportunity to see where it might go…that’s all.”
He kept his gaze down. “I don’t think you understand—”
“I understand that you let that heartless bitch take everything from you, take away your passion at the expense of your soul and others. But don’t let her take away your ability to love another person, because you deserve to be happy, because you deserve to be with a woman who truly, unconditionally loves you.” Someone like me. “I know you don’t believe in marriage anymore, but look at your parents…look at your brother.”
He lifted his chin and looked at me, releasing a quiet sigh. “I understand what you’re saying, and maybe someday I’ll feel differently about that, but I’ve been divorced for a little over a year. A year.” His eyes darkened in agitation, annoyed that I didn’t understand. “I’m in no position for something serious, to offer you anything other than a long night on my sheets, and you deserve the world, Sicily.”
“I deserve the best guy I know—and that’s you.”
He shook his head. “I’m fucked up, and I’m going to be fucked up for a long time. Yes, I care about my patients, would give the shirt off my back to anyone who needed it, but when it comes to this…I’m a fucking asshole.”
The conversation was over, and I knew it. I would never get what I wanted out of him. It was hopeless.
He stared at me with that same agitated expression, hoping that he got through to me.
“Dex, what I’m about to say has nothing to do with us. I know she really hurt you, traumatized you, fucked you up badly… But someone who really loves you would never do that. Don’t be afraid to try again someday, even if it’s with someone other than me. Because you deserve to be loved the way you love other people. You deserve to have someone who has your back through and through. And I believe that you will find that someday…if you let it happen.”
12
Dex
It was awkward for a couple days.
That was the first time I’d turned down a woman so beautiful, other than when I was married. Not only was Sicily sexy as hell, but she had a good heart, someone who was perfect at my side because we shared the same values.
It was hard to say no. It really was.
But I knew how it felt to have your heart ripped out of your chest, and I would never do that to someone else. I couldn’t in good conscience agree to anything with her, not when I was broken like this, not when there was no chance I could give her more.
It wouldn’t be right.
When I was in my lab at the research center, she stopped by and gave me an update on messages and other important things. “Mr. Garcia called. He said he’s having some chest pain and wanted to talk to you about it. His follow-up appointment isn’t until next week—”
“That’s fine. Set up a virtual appointment so I can see him.” If my patients ever felt any doubt about their condition, especially after surgery, I was happy to evaluate them and put them at ease. If they are stressed, their blood pressure will rise, and their anxiety will cause unnecessary damage when they should be resting.
“Okay. And your lunch is on your desk. Do you want to eat before?”
“Yes. I’m starving.”
“Alright.” She turned away and walked out.
I followed a moment later, feeling the difference in our relationship. We were both professional, getting along just fine, but she had pulled away, physically and emotionally, and while