down so hard, a bit of wine sloshed onto the white tablecloth. My hand moved over my heart, and my head immediately started to spin as I pictured a life without this man.
“No, nothing like that.” He leaned over the table with his arms outstretched. He dropped his gaze for a while, thinking of the words he could use to convey his troubles. “Look, I want to marry you. I’m sure you know that.”
I didn’t have a clue where this was going. Was he on the Most Wanted List?
“I’d marry you tomorrow if I could. But…there’s something I have to do first.”
“Okay…” I tried to keep my breathing calm and even, but that was impossible right now. “Vic, I’m starting to freak out, so please just spit out whatever you’re trying to tell me.”
“Alright.” He dropped his head, bowing it as if in shame. “I’m married.”
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I was in such shock that all I could do was stare at him, blinking randomly like a deer in the headlights. Did he just say what I thought he said? No, that couldn’t be right. “Sorry…it sounded like you said you were married, but that’s not what you said, right?”
He lifted his head and looked at me, the guilt in his eyes. “It is what I said.”
My hand pressed tighter into my chest over my heart because my world had just crashed down around me.
“The marriage has been dead for a while. When you asked me out, I thought it would just be a fling. But it turned into something serious, and it makes me realize that you’re the one. I loved my wife at one time, but not anymore.”
All I could do was breathe and breathe hard. How did I not see the signs? He had a place here, and there was never a trace of anyone else. Did she live there? Or did she live in a whole other city? “I’m sorry…I just don’t understand. How do you have a wife that I don’t know about?”
“They live in Chicago.”
“They?”
“My wife and two kids.”
“Yuck.” I sat back in the chair and pushed my hands out to keep him away even though he didn’t try to move toward me. “Oh god, I think I’m gonna throw up. Kids… You have kids?” I was rolling around with a married man and father of two kids? “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
His eyes fell in shame. “It’s not as bad as it seems—”
“You’re having an affair. Yes, that’s as bad as it seems. And you lied to me.”
“Because I knew how you would feel about it—”
“Damn fucking right.” I grabbed my napkin from my lap and threw it on the table. “How could you do that to your family?”
“You don’t understand, alright? We’ve got two boys in diapers and—”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m just saying, it’s changed things.”
I rolled my eyes even though that didn’t really express the way I felt. “Wow…you’re just…” There were no words. There were no words to describe the phenomenon of going from love to hate so quickly. It was like an elimination of emotions.
“I know you’re mad, but I’ve already talked to her about getting a divorce, and I want you to know I’m serious.” He pulled the small box out of his pocket and moved to open the lid.
I snatched it and chucked it at his face. “Seriously? You’re proposing to me? You just told me you dumped your old wife, and now you want a new wife? What kind of man are you? You’re a boy running from his responsibilities. That’s what you are. Grass is always greener on the other side, but all you have to do is water your lawn every day and you’ll solve your problems.” I stood up and grabbed the glass of wine before throwing it into his face. “Don’t call me again. If you do, I will hunt down your wife and expose you for the sack of shit you are.”
4
Sicily
The anger had my heart pounding for several hours afterward. I went home to my apartment, grabbed an open bottle of wine from the fridge, and didn’t even bother getting a glass from the cabinet. I’d had plenty of wine at the restaurant, but now I drank it like my throat was dry. “Motherfucker.” I wasn’t just angry with him—but myself.
How did I not know?
Why didn’t I question the fact that he spent half his week in Chicago? I’d never known a pilot before, so I wasn’t sure what