Maya's world, warm and touching and grounded. Now, suddenly, he was on the outside again, with that chilly distance between them.
She'd said she loved him. She must have been hysterical.
Uncertainly, he reached out and brushed Maya's hand where it lay on the stretcher. Sleepily, she wrapped her fingers around his. A warm thrill shot through him. She didn't push him away.
Axell had to let her go as they wheeled her out of the room. One of the female paramedics had appropriated the baby, and he didn't feel qualified to object. But there for one brief second, he'd been part of a spectacular moment in life. He didn't think he'd ever be the same.
For another brief moment, he wondered how he could share that warmth again, how he could be someone other than who he was.
Alexa. Her name was Alexa.
Stupid name. Grumbling, Axell climbed into the paramedic's utility vehicle beside the stretcher, and propped his head in his hands. He was out of his damned mind.
Chapter 15
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
"Just where do you think you're going?" a formidable nurse asked as Axell glanced around the hospital corridor, searching for the right room. At the nurse's tone, the flowers in his hand almost wilted.
"To Room 301," he answered cautiously, wondering about the interrogation. Hospitals made him nervous.
"Are you the father?" she demanded.
The temptation was to say yes, but he didn't lie without reason, and he saw no reason here. "Just a friend." He didn't call many people friend.
"Then you can't go in until visiting hours. Come back at eleven."
Stunned, Axell watched her walk off. He'd damned well delivered that kid, and he wasn't going to be put off by any tin general now. Constance and Matty had been bouncing up and down with excitement since he'd come home last night. He'd promised to deliver their artwork to Maya along with the flowers they'd picked from the garden. He'd barely persuaded them to go to school this morning. He deserved some reward for his patience.
Waiting until the nurse had her back turned, Axell strode briskly down the corridor, vowing to tell the next person who asked that he was the father.
With assurance, he located the door and knocked quietly. He didn't want to wake Maya if she was sleeping. Maybe he could just slip in and leave the flowers in a glass of water with the artwork beside it, then go down to the nursery and peek at the infant.
"Come in," Maya's musical voice chimed merrily.
After the ordeal she'd just been through, she still managed to sound like a damned gypsy queen. Steeling himself, Axell pushed open the door, and nearly slammed it closed again. Picturing himself making a Forest Gump knock-kneed retreat down the hospital corridor, Axell set his jaw and walked in as if he belonged here. If she didn't mind, he wouldn't either.
She was sitting up in bed, trying to nurse the infant. "Trying" being the operative word. Little Alexa sucked and gulped, then screamed in rage and beat her little fists until Maya winced. She glanced up at him apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I thought you were the nurse. We're having a little trouble here, and I was hoping for some advice."
He ought to look away, but he felt as if he'd been poleaxed. He couldn't tear his gaze from the sight of the infant sucking frantically at her mother's breast.
Maya was wearing a delicate lace-trimmed nightshirt that Selene must have brought over with her suitcase last night. The first few buttons were unfastened, and Axell could see tiny fingers digging into an ivory curve. The sight nearly unmanned him, but fascination gripped him stronger. He'd delivered that child. He'd seen far more than the curve of a breast. That didn't lessen his fascination.
Angela hadn't nursed Constance, so Axell knew less than nothing about breast-feeding. He should have known Maya would attempt it. She was the type to nurse even if she could afford the infant formula and bottles—which she couldn't. Clearing his throat, Axell filled a water glass with the wilting flowers and lay the artwork down beside it.
"These things take time, don't they?" he asked cautiously.
Maya sighed and removed the wailing infant from her breast, fastening her buttons with one hand as she bounced the baby gently. "I suppose, but the nurse said I may not have what it takes. I think that means I'm underfed."
She efficiently popped the top of a bottled formula on the night stand. "Don't hover.