the waver out of her voice. “What about the things I want?”
She felt a stab of guilt the moment the words were out. It wasn’t up to him, or anyone, to give her the things she desired. She only said it because he was very much part of what she wanted most—and she hoped he took it that way.
Garin absorbed the shock of her fury willingly, his face unreadable as he took in her wild hair, glistening eyes, and flushed cheeks.
“I am afraid of you.”
Lilac placed both palms flat against his bare chest. His skin felt cool and flushed at the same time. “Of the things I feel.”
“Don’t,” he groaned.
She removed her hands, forcing them at her side. She told the truth, but her words were just the tip of the dagger. She was afraid of what they’d become—of the way she couldn’t imagine her life without his friendship. Afraid of the way she was tempted to leave the kingdom forever if it meant staying here, with him. He’d said the past was hers, that he’d had nothing to hide.
Deep in the darkest corner of her soul, Lilac wanted now and the future, and everything in between.
“If you want the same things that I want, then I don’t get it,” she croaked. “And if you don’t, then please—”
“Stop,” he said firmly, shrinking the gap between them. “I would love to be everything and anything you want, princess. But you’re here on a mission to change who you are, the magic in you, with a simple potion or utterance of words. You’re purposefully placing yourself in the way of potentially dark, dangerous magic just to fix some trite ailment—”
Lilac’s cheeks burned. He’d never voiced any concern over that before. “Trite?” she growled.
He mirrored her action and tried to place his hands upon her shoulders, but she only shrugged away. “Back in Cinderfell, when you mentioned a powerful witch in Paimpont, I too got excited. Like a fool, my initial thought was that I would ask her to try and lift my own curse. But then, I realized that I would rather keep it. My curse keeps you safe.”
Lilac shook her head vigorously, about to say that she would never, ever ask that of him.
But she stopped herself. Wouldn’t she?
“My point is, if you cannot live with the shard of darkness that rests within you, then tell me, princess… How will you live with all of mine?”
Lilac stared at Garin, and he returned her gaze wordlessly.
“What is a curse to you, might seem a blessing to others,” he said quietly.
She took a gentle step back, not out of fear or regret, but to process. For many years, shed tears, and the spaces between, she’d wanted nothing more than to rid herself of the curse that had alienated her from the rest of society. From her family.
So why did it suddenly feel like choosing the witch meant losing Garin?
The thought was almost too much to bear.
“Kiss me.” The words flowed effortlessly from her lips.
“Lilac.” He pulled away, gently sweeping her aside and taking a seat at the edge of the bed.
Lilac sighed, pivoting on her heel and placing herself between his legs. “Then bite me. Undress me. Anything that will help me understand just what it is I am feeling for you.”
At this, his eyes searched hers furiously. Then, as if testing himself, he hesitantly rested his hands upon her hips. “And what is it exactly, Your Highness, that you think you feel?” Irises suddenly cold steel under his lashes, he gave a sharp laugh. “And tell me, what has possessed you to offer yourself to a vampire in that way?”
“I know that I am afraid,” she breathed. “Of everything. But not of this. Not of you.”
And although she knew it wasn’t true—for how could she not feel fear—for the first time, it was the crippling humanity in him, and not the monster, that frightened her.
She straddled her long legs over his lap. And although it was a lie, it was also a blazing truth. Despite everything in her upbringing telling her this was horribly, unforgivably wrong, the most fucked up act of royal anarchy she could ever commit—
She wanted this. Him. For as long as he’d want her, and maybe longer still.
She inhaled sharply as his fingertips dug into the small of her back; Garin leaned forward and parted her lips with his.
Deepening their kiss, her tongue found his briefly before she knocked him back onto the bed. Right or wrong, she