I loved Kyden with all that I was.
How had I even questioned that?
Tears filled my eyes as I gazed at him. “I’m not me anymore. When you’re not touching me it’s like I’m gone.” I glanced down to our hands, pained to even look at him. “This is the only way I feel like myself anymore. The only way I still feel connected to you or feel connected to anything. I’m disappearing, Kyden.”
He reached up putting his hands on my face as he cupped my cheeks. “You are still in there.”
I shook my head, tears falling down my cheeks. “Every minute that passes I lose more of myself.” I felt sickened by the truth of what was happening here. “I wasn’t expecting this to all happen so quickly. I thought I’d be strong enough to fight against it. I thought I could beat it.”
He sighed deeply, his grip on my face fierce. “You can beat it. You are still there and we have to hold on to that. You need to hold onto that. You can’t let that part of yourself go. Do not give into it.”
“I’m trying, but it’s getting harder. Look at what I did tonight. I killed those witches out of anger, Kyden.” Shame and disgust made it hard to swallow. “It’s taking me.”
“You are still in there,” he said fiercely. His words were an attempt to hold onto us—to save us from this—to keep a smidgen of hope in the midst of all this chaos.
“I can’t lose you,” I barely got the words out. “I can’t go on without you.”
“You won’t have to, Álainn.” He leaned in, took my lips, and I lunged myself on him.
Scared that soon this would be the last time I would be myself around him. How much time would I have left with Kyden? “Kyden…” I whispered.
He raised his hand to my mouth and pressed his fingertips against my lips. “Don’t say it.”
“I have to. You have to let me,” I said against his hand, needing to make sure he understood how I felt because after tonight, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would feel it.
He slowly pulled his hand away, and as he did, tears filled his eyes. “I love you, Kyden—truly, and irrefutably love you. I love you so much sometimes it hurts. Hurts to be away from you, even hurts to be near you. No matter what happens, my heart is yours, and only yours. Remember that! Remember that I…” I pointed to my heart. “The real me is missing you and wishing I was in your arms.”
He caught my tear with his finger, and smiled sweetly. “It is not over, Álainn.”
The words were said, but it was a lie. The darkness was beginning to overtake me, and it was inevitable that I would eventually give in to it. No matter how hard I tried, it was going to win. I knew it and so did Kyden. All I could do was cry as my dreams with Kyden, the life that was once mine would be over and my heart crumpled to pieces.
“Hush,” Kyden hummed. He laid me back and unclipped my kilt. As I raised my hips, he removed my shorts slowly. “We have tonight. We have now. This is what you have to remember. It’s this,” he said softly, caressing my body. “It’s the way I love you.” He removed his gear, rubbed himself leisurely along my body. “It’s how my body feels when it’s close to yours.” He lifted his hips, entered me oh-so-gently. “It’s the way it feels to be joined.”
I moaned, his words were so true. This was right. This is where my heart belonged. It belonged to him and it always would. Magnus could never have that. No matter how much he tried to steal it away.
Kyden enclosed his body on top of mine and we hugged each other as we made love—held onto each other to keep this night forever. This wasn’t about sexual satisfaction or heat, it was about relishing in what we shared.
He whispered soft words in my ear of how he loved me, that he needed me, and I made his life complete. I cried hearing them. Wished that this wasn’t happening, that I could stay right here forever. However, wishing for it wasn’t going to change what was happening. Something deep within me was changing—far too rapidly.
I never climaxed, and Kyden’s release was quiet and barely felt by me as I cried in his arms. The