I heard more footsteps. The scent of his magic caught my attention before I saw him, causing my eyes to widen.
“I thought you were leaving.” I tried to keep the pain from my voice. It didn’t work.
“I am.” His voice was so low I could barely hear it without straining. “But I couldn’t…not without saying goodbye first.”
So, then it was true. Ione’s note, everything.
I bit the inside of my cheek. Even coming from him, this still felt like something out of a bad dream.
“Why?”
Several seconds passed in silence, and I realized he had no intention of answering, just like he had no intention of telling anyone where he was going.
I stood up, smoothing out my dress. “Well, I don’t need a goodbye.” That would be far too excruciating to hear.
He came out of the shadows and caught me by the wrist, his long fingers brushing over my rapid pulse.
I turned to face him. He looked miserable. His troubled blue eyes searched mine, surrounded by deep circles. Seeing him like this, knowing there was more to the story, killed me. “Why?” I whispered again. “Tell me why you’re doing this. Help me understand.”
“I can’t.” He swallowed, looking physically pained. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”
It was obvious he didn’t want to hurt me, but there was no way he could leave without hurting me. He had to know that.
Unable to think while he was touching me, I pulled my hand out of his. “Is it because of the Hollowed Guard?”
He looked up at the night sky, as if he was searching for an explanation he didn’t have.
“This isn’t like you.” My voice broke in the middle. “You’re not the guy that runs away with his tail tucked between his legs. You never turn down a fight—” I gasped as a possibility occurred. “Did your father threaten to kill me? Like he did with Chloe?”
He winced at the mention of that, repeating the same words over again. “I can’t tell you the details.”
“Oh, go on then.” I waved him off. “Goodbye, Xander. There. It’s said and done.” Better to rip the Band-Aid off than go through this slow torture.
“Don’t make this harder,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Please.”
“What did you expect? I don’t want any part of this.”
“I know, damsel. I just…” He stared at me silently, asking for something I couldn’t give him. A song streamed out through the balcony, the chords soft and enchanting. Xander held out his hand. “Dance with me?”
I stared at his hand, trying to propel my body away, but I couldn’t do it. Something about him in that moment stopped me. His gaze held mine as if he were begging for his life. It was, as if, just by staring into his eyes, I could feel his heart breaking. I hated him for not revealing his motives, but at the same time, I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t leave unless it was important. Xander promised to be my anchor. If he left, it could only mean one thing. He was drowning himself in order to keep everyone else above water.
As angry as I was, I accepted his hand.
His breath came out all at once, choked but relieved. He pulled me close, tucking my head below his chin. I breathed in his evergreen scent, engraving the memory into my soul. We gently swayed to the music—a soft, mesmerizing song. The way his hand pressed against the small of my back sent tingles up my spine. He held me as if I were slipping away, as if he was trying to hang on to the wind. I hated this, but I couldn’t leave him either. Instead, I bit down on my lip, trying not to cry.
Stupid, stupid boy.
I wished I could stop him, and my mind scrambled to think of ways. “Take me with you,” I whispered against his shoulder. “Whatever you’re fighting, we’ll fight it together.”
“I wish that were possible.”
“I could use my bibliomagery like we did on Twilight Island. We can figure out a solution—”
“Damsel,” he sighed. “Just…dance with me.”
I shut my eyes, fighting the sting in them. This fleeting moment wasn’t enough. Not after he had given me so much to hope for. This wasn’t fair. I wanted to fight for him, the way he fought for me. But how could I, if he wouldn’t even tell me what was going on?
“I want your best and your worst,” I said softly, recanting his own words back to him. “Your strength and