always blank.
Missy: Surely your mum must know?
Henry: She won’t tell me. That’s why I joined Facebook. I’m gonna look for him.
Missy: What will you do if you find him?
Henry: Message him. But I can’t tell my mum.
Missy: Why?
Henry: She’d kill me if she found out.
Now
I forgot about Henry.
That’s the truth of it. I’d forgotten all about inviting him over that January night for a movie and a sleepover. Henry rolled up on his bike outside the motel office around seven o’clock wearing his green Lucky-7 cap and a backpack, and it was then I realised I’d unintentionally double-booked myself.
Henry didn’t know that, of course. Nobody knew I was planning to sneak out sometime after eleven, and I couldn’t exactly do that with Henry here. Even if the movie finished and we all went to bed, I’d need to walk right through the living room to get to the back door. Henry would be set up on the couch with a blanket and pillow, and would most likely still be awake. He’d want to know where I was going, who I was meeting. He’d want to tag along, and even if he didn’t, he’d end up blurting out everything to my dad.
Henry staying over would completely ruin my plans. I wanted to kick myself for not remembering to cancel on him sooner.
Between the storm warning and my mother’s curfew, I was completely distracted about the logistics of getting myself to the bush hut, let alone what might happen with Raf once I got there. He originally pitched it as a dare for my last night in town – sneak out and meet him at midnight and he’d show me his new hobby. He’d wiggled his brows suggestively and I rolled my eyes and asked him if hobby was code for something else. We were both joking around to hide our nerves.
Ever since we were young, Raf and I have built a connection based on humour and good-natured teasing. He was always the one making subtle jokes in the background, almost as if they were for his own amusement, and if anyone else laughed it was an unexpected bonus. He was always daring me to do stuff because I think he enjoyed how stubborn and competitive I got – I only ever agreed if he was prepared to do the dare as well. Last year we jumped into the reservoir in the dead of winter, and it felt like swimming through thousands of icy razorblades. My leg cramped almost immediately and Raf had to help me back to dry land. As he supported me on the walk up the bank to our towels, a look between us lingered for a beat longer than usual. Anything might have happened if we’d just leaned in, but we both chickened out at the same time.
After that I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I found myself analysing glances and conversations, noticing a million tiny things about Raf ’s appearance I found attractive, as though suddenly seeing him through new eyes. My crush kind of snuck up on me until I realised the reason I’d agreed to all of Raf ’s dares over the years was because I wanted to spend time with him. The thought of being alone with him at the bush hut made my stomach fizz with anticipation.
It’s cruel and selfish when I think about it now, but the minute I saw Henry’s bike cruising up the motel driveway that evening, I knew I had to get rid of him.
He spotted me cleaning the motel office window and smiled, his face carrying that expectant expression he’d worn since he was small. In recent months his nose had broadened and his cheeks had hollowed out. Despite the smattering of tiny freckles across his skin, he was starting to lose his little boy looks and straddle that line between child and adolescent.
I pressed the wad of paper towel against the glass and circled my arm faster, my mind spinning faster still to invent an excuse. He nudged his bike’s kickstand as he dismounted, stopping long enough to pick dry grass out of the spokes. He always doted over that mountain bike, a hand-me-down from Raf two years earlier when, truth be told, Raf hadn’t even outgrown it yet. It’s like he, Sally and Liv simply knew Henry needed it more.
‘You’re smearing that around,’ Henry told me as he walked into the motel office. ‘Looks gross from outside. You might need