I let go of this time. As I leave Trey and my father, everything becomes golden and calm. For a moment, I race out on the desert plains of time in the night all alone. I’m wild and I’m free. I can be anything here, shed my skin forever—shed time forever. I search for my mother, but in the next step I take, I find that someone is holding me back. I look behind me to see Kyon forcing me to stay. The sky falls apart. I flicker like a streetlamp on the ocean of sand. The night comes up through the grains of sand to swallow me whole.
CHAPTER 13
LOVE A LIE
Kyon’s mouth covers mine. He blows hard into it. His parted lips leave me as he rises up to his knees by my side. Large, rough hands seek the spot between my breasts above my sternum. I exhale the air from his lungs and inhale a gasping breath of my own. Kyon’s fingers are still on me as his eyes lift to mine. I cough, struggling with the need to take in more air than my lungs can handle. I’m lightheaded and shaking. Gripping my hand, Kyon squeezes too tight. “Breathe,” he demands, but it’s more than that. It’s a plea.
If there was a plan, he forgot it. He lifts my blue fingers to his lips, resting them there and breathing warmth over the winteriness of my flesh. I don’t know what’s real or what’s the future anymore. I’m buried in both worlds.
“No,” I murmur. I can’t say more. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t belong in this world.
Kyon lifts me like a blanket, carrying me naked and wet from the floor of the lavare. He lays me on the bed and climbs in next to me. He holds me for a long time without speaking. I drift in and out of sleep, waving at taxis and chasing shadows of my mother. I never want to wake up. Of course, I rarely get what I want.
My eyes flutter open and I see Kyon sitting next to me, pressing a drug dispenser gun to my upper arm. He clicks it. I flinch as something burrows beneath my skin. “You don’t have to do that,” I begin to explain.
He scowls. “Shh!” It’s a harsh sound, filled with anger. “I can’t believe you would do this!” he growls, his steam-shovel jaw tensing.
“I’m—”
“If you tell me you’re fine, I promise I will beat you to death,” he lies. “I could kill you right now with my bare hands.”
“I’m sorry,” I say in a groggy voice. The drug he gave me goes to work immediately. He pulls the bedsheets up over me. I close my eyes and go back to chasing taxis.
My skin feels hot. It’s no wonder, I’m half buried alive by Kyon’s body pressed against mine. I inch away from him and creep over the mattress to the other side of the bed. Pulling the blanket with me, I drag it to the commodus. Once there, I see my reflection in the mirror. I look like death. Ducking my head, I look away. When I leave the bathroom, I crawl back into the bed. Cold now, I seek out Kyon’s warmth. I curl myself around him, spooning him.
“Were you punishing me?” He sounds haunted.
“What?”
“Was that revenge for wanting you?”
“No,” I say, thinking about how he must have found me cold and near death on the shower floor. “It had very little to do with you. It was difficult to come back.”
“Why?”
“I got lost.”
Kyon turns over and faces me. His hand smoothes my hair away from my eyes. “What was it? What did you see?”
“Old scars ripped open,” I reply in a raw voice, trying really hard not to cry. My throat aches from it. “I promise not to stay away too long again.” It’s not a difficult thing to promise. I won’t be around long, for there aren’t too many more opportunities to break it. “I have to kill Excelsior, Kyon. I need your help. Will you help me?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
I’m almost crushed by gratitude. I lean forward. Pressing my lips against his, I taste his sweetness. His arms encircle me and haul me up on top of him. “Thank you,” I whisper. Tears I can’t hold back spill from my eyes. He becomes a thief, wiping away my tears with the back of his hand, trying to steal my sorrow from me. His fingers shift into my