say. It was delicate ground for all of them, and a minefield of sorts, with some very old mines buried deep in the ground. “I like your father a lot too,” but not Austin’s mom. She smiled at him then, there was tension between them that was hard to explain. Austin knew his mother sensed something about Zoe that worried her, although she’d never fully put it into words. But it came through and Zoe felt it too, no matter how diplomatic Connie was. And she’d only worried about Zoe since Jaime was born.
They watched TV together for a while, and Zoe fell asleep. He lay in bed and looked at her, loving her as he always had, more each year, but he knew that part of her would always be a mystery to him. No matter how much he loved her and tried to understand her, there was a part of her he could never reach.
Chapter 8
Two weeks after Jaime’s birthday, Austin had to go to the office on a Saturday to work on one of the custody cases he was handling for Zoe. She took Jaime to the playground near their apartment, and allowed her to run around to let off steam and get some exercise. Jaime loved hanging around the big kids and watching them, and she ran as fast as she could to impress a group of older girls, who paid no attention to her. They had bigger things on their mind than a two-year-old in a pink down jacket. Jaime was fascinated by them, and Zoe didn’t tell her to slow down. She was having fun, as Zoe chatted with some of the mothers she saw there regularly. One of them had a brand new baby. It was his first time out and all the mothers were admiring him. He was a strapping ten-pound boy, her fourth. Zoe had no pangs of envy as she looked at him. All she could think of was that he would be a nightmare to nurse. Jaime had been hard enough with her reflux and apnea, falling asleep at the breast, and vomiting. She enjoyed Jaime at two a lot more than she had in the early days. Eventually, Jaime came over to look at the baby too. Jaime looked at her with wide eyes and pointed at him.
“Baby, Mama? For Jaime?” Zoe laughed and shook her head. “No, you’re all I need. You’re my baby.” She walked her toward the swings then, but all the ones for babies and toddlers were taken. The only empty one was one of the big kid swings that someone had just vacated, and Jaime looked at it longingly.
“Big girl swing?” she asked hopefully, and usually Zoe said no, but it looked like it was going to be a long wait, there were a lot of toddlers and mothers in line for the baby swings, so she relented.
“You can go on the big girl swing, but you have to hold tight.” There was no way to attach her to it, and no safety belt, but Jaime had a good grip, and she knew how to pump, and there were interlocking rubber pads under it that fit together like a puzzle, so she wouldn’t get hurt if she fell.
Zoe sat her on it and gave her a push, and Jaime squealed with delight, and pumped with her short toddler legs.
“Higher!” she called out to Zoe who gave her another push, but not too hard. “More!” Jaime demanded, with a glance over her shoulder, just as Zoe gave her a bigger push, and as she looked back at Zoe, Jaime flew off the swing, and landed in a heap on the rubber mat. Zoe dashed toward her and picked her up, narrowly missing getting hit in the head by the swing as she pulled Jaime away from it. Jaime was crying, and holding one arm limply as Zoe pulled her into her arms. “My hand hurts, Mommy,” she said between sobs, and Zoe could see it was at an odd angle, and was already starting to swell.
She carried Jaime clear of the swings, and sat her down on a bench to have a better look. It didn’t look good to her. She carried Jaime out of the playground as the other mothers watched and waved goodbye to them. She hailed a cab as soon as they reached the street, got in with Jaime still crying, and asked to be taken to NYU