breath.
When Joe turned back to Verity, his face was compassionate. “He don’t blame you. He hates himself somethin’ awful right now. You know that.”
She sniffled, trying to set Colton’s incredibly painful words to the side and think about what he was going through. Arrested. Arraigned. Court-mandated anger management. But worst of all—the most terrible blow, she knew—was the loss of Melody’s guardianship, which Colton had taken so seriously. She couldn’t imagine how bad he must be feeling right now, how terribly he must be hurting.
“I know,” she whispered.
“He can’t see straight. Can’t see nothin’ but bein’ away from you and bein’ away from his cousin and lettin’ everyone down. Hates himself, not you. You mark my words.”
She nodded, reaching up to dry her tears. Suddenly she felt weak and ridiculous for breaking down in the middle of the courtroom and crying all over Joe’s suit jacket.
“Sorry,” she said.
“No need to be,” he said. “You love him. That makes it hurt worse.”
“Thanks, Joe.”
“Anytime. You two need a ride?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got Colton’s car.”
Joe nodded. “You mind what I said now. If anythin’, honey, that man needs you more than ever right now. Don’t let him down, huh? He’s one of the good ones.”
She leaned up and kissed Joe on the cheek. “You are too.”
She thought she spied a blush as Joe patted Ryan on the arm and ambled toward the exit.
“Ryan,” she said gently, “I’ve stopped crying, see? I’m okay now. I promise.”
“Colton’s our friend. Colton loves Ver’ty.”
She whimpered, clenching her teeth to keep from crying out.
“I hope so,” she managed to whisper.
“He don’t blame you. One of the good ones. Colton is one of the good ones.”
Her brother was parroting Joe’s words, trying to comfort her, but the problem with Joe’s and Ryan’s reassurances was that she blamed herself. Mightily. Before she and Ryan and their truckload of bad luck careened into Colton Lane’s life, he’d had a decent job and the guardianship of his cousin. Now he was, for all intents and purposes, incarcerated for the next two months, he had no job, and his cousin was a temporary ward of the state. He had every right to blame her. He had every right to hate her.
In fact, there was only one thing that actually did reassure her. A very, very small thing, which gave her more hope than anything else, and it was this: when he’d said those terrible things to her, he hadn’t looked into her eyes. He hadn’t even turned around. Maybe he was too disgusted to look at her, but maybe—just maybe—he couldn’t look at her because he knew he was lying to her. And until she saw the truth of his hatred in his eyes, she would hope that he was just pushing her away out of anger.
He was certainly entitled to his anger, but just days ago he’d held her in his arms and pledged to love her for all time. And she knew enough of Colton Lane to have faith in those words and not to throw them away because he’d lashed out at her during a god-awful moment in time. She would hold on to them. She would wait for him, just in case he didn’t mean what he said today.
And if she was going to hold on and wait, she needed to believe in him and have faith in his words today. Now. Right this second and every second of the next sixty days, spread out like eternity before her. Sixty days. It felt like such a long time, and she felt so sad and defeated and alone, she didn’t know what to do with herself. Fresh tears threatened to fall.
If anythin’, honey, that man needs you more than ever right now. Don’t let him down, huh? He’s one of the good ones.
And just like that, she had an idea of something she and Ryan could do right this second, and once she’d fixed on it, it seemed like the only possible plan for the rest of today—the only way to take a strong step in the right direction, in the direction she needed to head without fail for the next sixty days, believing that, when she clamped eyes on Colton Lane again, his would be shining with love, not hatred.
She turned to Ryan and offered him a small, weak smile. “Well, it’s only four o’clock. Know where I think we should go?”
“McDonald’s?”
She shook her head. “Nope. To visit Melody. We could pick up some ice cream and