into her with my tongue, she still owes me for walking out on me and taking my seed with her. I’m not even sure how I feel about the fact that she didn’t trust me to take care of her, and no matter what, I still think she should’ve contacted me when she realized she was with child.
And yet, when she looks at me with those eyes of hers, I feel guilt like a son of a bitch. The thought that I’d mistreated her so horribly upon her return after the hell she must’ve been through trumps whatever I think I’m owed. That’s why I ended up dragging her onto my lap with my arms wrapped even tighter around her as my stupid heart broke over what I’d done to her since she came home.
“I’m sorry!” What the fuck! Shouldn’t she be the one apologizing to me here? So why is it that I feel like I’m the one who’d failed her? Who’d let her down? None of that seemed to matter now, though, when I felt her soft frame pressed into mine. I cared only that I now had a second chance, that I could now protect them both and keep them safe for all time.
It was on the tip of my tongue to bring it all up. To question her, but I knew deep down that if she wanted to share, she would’ve. Something was keeping her from revealing this truth that would’ve made all the misunderstandings between us disappear, something else for me to think about. I’m beginning to think that maybe her life had been threatened, hers and mine.
Just thinking about that shit made me see red, and my mind went once again to Dana. There’s still a lot I needed to ask her, but I’ll admit that it’s a good thing mom showed up when she did, or I might’ve done something I’d regret later. Not because of any harm I might’ve caused her, but because I’d find it hard to live with myself if I crossed the line into getting physical with a female.
So I kept my mouth shut even though there were things I wanted to ask. The phone rang sometime later, and I walked away to answer the call from mom. “Are we having another big to-do, or should we stick to something smaller this time around?”
“What’re you talking about?”
“Your wedding, of course.”
There was a long silence before I found the right words to ask. “Whatever it is you do when you’re renewing your vows.”
“Come again? What do you mean, renewing? You only do that when you’re still married… Calen.”
“Yes, I never signed her divorce papers. I told you when I married her that she was going to be the only one. Mom, are you crying?”
“I’m so proud of you, you idiot.” Coulda fooled me.
“Does she know?”
“We haven’t had that conversation yet. What are you laughing at now?”
“That Dana twit sure is stupid.” She hung up the phone laughing like a lunatic, and I just shook my head and went back to my family.
Dinner was a strained affair. With the baby down for the night, there was no buffer between us, and as the night progressed, I found myself at a loss as to how to approach my wife. I couldn’t very well take her down to the floor and fuck her like I had before; the need to punish and or humiliate was no longer there, and if I touched her with all the tenderness I now feel once again towards her, it’d only raise questions I’m not ready to answer.
In the end, it was as simple as taking her hand and leading her to her bed when we reached the top of the stairs hours later when she decided it was time for bed. It was barely past eight, but who was I to argue. She didn’t speak, and neither did I, but I could see those same questions in her eyes. Because I still wasn’t ready to answer, I cupped her face with as much tenderness as I could muster when all I wanted was to fall on her and devour and drew her into me.
My hands shook as it was brought home to me that this was the first time since our reconciliation that I’d held her so gently or had such emotional feelings for her. With the anger and distrust gone, it was as if the years of separation had never been, and she was just my