systems during the spring semester. I figure that will help me figure out whether or not I want to continue subbing in the fall or look for a full-time position. Of course, the baby’s due date and any restrictions Dr. Rhimes gives will influence my decision too.”
“I hadn’t realized you were still thinking about teaching.” Eoin frowned as he put down his spoon. “I mean, now that you’re pregnant and don’t have to worry about where to live or anything like that.”
I gave him a strange look. “It’s because I’m having a baby that I want to sub now so that, by the time the baby’s born, I’ll have a good idea of where I want to work after, even if I don’t know yet if I’ll want to stay home for a bit.”
“That makes sense.” He didn’t look happy about it, but he wasn’t arguing. “I don’t know much about the different districts, but it sounds like something we can research online.”
I nodded. “That’s what I was thinking too. I want to do some cross-referencing, look for the ones in the lowest-income districts that also have the most troubled students. See where I can do the most good.”
Eoin went very still, and his face went blank. When he spoke, he was more careful than I’d ever heard him. “You’re looking for what?”
“I want to go somewhere I can make a difference,” I explained, thrown off by his reaction to what I’d thought was a good plan.
“You’ll make a difference no matter where you go,” he said. “You’re going to be an amazing teacher, whether you’re there for a day or a year.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, but now we had a tension between us that hadn’t existed a few minutes ago. “When I did my student teaching, I was at this amazing elementary school that had small class numbers and more resources than it knew what to do with. The salaries there were great too.”
He scratched at the stubble on his chin. “If you want to go back to a school near Stanford, we can figure something out.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” I struggled to find the words to express what I’d felt that semester. “A school like that will get the best teachers because they can afford to be competitive in ways schools in poorer neighborhoods can’t. But money isn’t something I need to worry about, so I can afford to work for much less, go to places that couldn’t normally pay for someone with my credentials.”
I felt like such a snob saying it that way because I firmly believed that plenty of quality teachers came from public colleges, and I also believed that not all intelligence could be measured by IQ, but I knew that I was smart. Literally a genius according to standardized testing. I didn’t think it would be bragging to say that I’d be an asset to any faculty.
“That’s true,” he said. “But when you were thinking of all that, you weren’t pregnant. You can’t seriously be thinking of working in some school with metal detectors and gang members.”
“You’d rather I teach at a school with a nice library and good tech? Great sports programs?” I tried not to let my annoyance seep into my words, but I didn’t think I succeeded.
“Yes!” he snapped.
“You mean a school like Columbine in Colorado?” I countered, my own temper rising. “Or Sandy Hook? Don’t you think I know that being a teacher doesn’t automatically mean I’ll be safe? If I’m going to be in danger no matter where I go, why not be with kids who society has written off? Kids who, despite the statistics regarding mass shootings proving that they generally don’t take place in those ‘bad’ schools, are generally given the dregs of educators?”
“Do you even hear yourself?” He pushed to his feet, something dark on his face. “After what happened in Iran, how can you even think about putting yourself in that kind of situation again? Are you just looking for trouble?”
I stood up too. He was still much taller but being on my feet made me feel like we were a little more on even footing.
“I’m fully capable of deciding what I want to do with my life, Eoin.” I crossed my arms. “I would’ve thought Christmas with my family had driven that point home.”
“This is different.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “Because you’re not my parent, so stop treating me like a child.”
He threw up his hands. “You’re damn right I’m not your parent