ball here? Just a party or two? Select friends and family?”
I took my lower lip between my teeth. The Landcaster household would throw a fit if Julianna’s Christmas ball out-shone theirs. I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of their outrage. It almost made me want to agree, almost.
The footman left to retrieve more branches.
“There are people who might recognize me,” I whispered.
“Posh, that was over a year ago.” Jules moved to the fireplace and centered an evergreen bough. “Dressed in satins, with your hair fixed properly, they won’t even think to imagine you as a maid or seamstress. Remember, Alice and I saw you in the park, and we barely recognize you now.”
“And a good thing you were in the park,” Lillian added, sitting in a chair near the fireplace. Evening was falling, and the fire gave a warm glow to the room. She painted a pretty picture, resting near the hearth. She and Jules both showed such elegance and beauty, how could I ever compare? “How very lucky we all were that day you and Alice decided to go to the shop.”
“Indeed, Miss Lamier will have our business for decades to come,” Jules said, sitting in the chair across from Lilly. “I was so sure it was you. But we’d gotten our hopes up so many times in the past, that we had to be positive. Fortunately, Oliver would not give up. He was truly the one who looked week after week, following impossible leads.”
Oliver.
The brother closest to me in age.
The boy I remembered most in my dreams.
And the man who seemed to always avoid me now.
“Yes, please, do let us have a ball,” Jules said, returning, unfortunately, to our previous conversation. “It would be so much fun, and we don’t get visitors often enough.”
“Unless…” Lillian watched me closely. “You wish to avoid Izzy’s father.”
I flushed and strolled to the mantel. The scent of pine trees filled the air. How had she guessed he was gentry? I tucked a fir branch into the pile. “He will not say a word if he sees me. He will keep our secret. He’ll most likely avoid me.”
I hoped. He had too much to lose if this affair was revealed. I held my hands out to the fire, warming my fingers. How would I react if I saw him again? Indifferent, I wanted to claim, but I knew the truth.
The soft glow of the flames made me drowsy. I swore I slept more here than I had my entire life. I lounged in bed while breakfast was brought on a tray. In the afternoon we took tea in Julianna’s pretty yellow sitting room.
But in the evening, we all had our own activities. Jules painted and Lilly wrote. I never thought I’d grow bored of reading, but after a few months here, I found I wanted to do something more than lounge about with a book in hand all day. I wanted to do something, anything. Wanted to be beneficial to this world. I wanted to help others in some way.
“But he is of society?” Jules asked softly. “Did he take advantage of you?”
I turned to face her. “Only my naivete.”
She didn’t look convinced. A few weeks after I’d arrived, they’d started asking questions about Izzy’s father. I hadn’t responded, other than to say he would never be in my life, and quickly enough, they’d given up, not wishing to upset me.
“It was my own fault.”
Jules shook her head. “That’s what they want you to believe.”
“You were so young; how could you possibly know?” Lillian added loyally. “Was he older?”
I nodded. “But not much.”
“You still are young,” Jules added. “Innocent.”
I laughed. “I appreciate the fact that you think I’m as pure as the first snow, but I did grow up in the slums, need I remind you.”
I’d seen and experienced things they couldn’t even imagine. Which is why I’d never tell them everything. They didn’t need to know all. In many ways Jules, Lilly, and even my brothers, were naïve to the true horrors of life. I wouldn’t ruin that innocence for them with the truth.
They didn’t respond, and I realized I’d upset them again. I was forever making them anxious with my comments about my less than privileged childhood. I could see the guilt and the pain flash across their eyes every time I mentioned my past. Therefore, I tried to avoid it as much as possible.
“Please,” I begged. “Do not tell my brothers anything I’ve said. I would be horribly