I don’t need to have it all together, but I do need to be able to be alone.
To be able to be me without someone on my arm or in my bed.
And right now, I need to do that. I need to focus on me, even if it means leaving him when he needs me. If we get back together now, I will always be the girl whose heart he broke when things got hard, who just sat around crying and waiting for him to crook his fingers before I came crawling back.
We need to be equals, partners.
And that means breaking his heart in return.
He falls to his knees before me, just like I did in this very same bathroom not too long ago. This time, it’s me destroying him. “Please,” is all he rasps, even though I see the truth in his eyes. He knows this is over.
“Goodbye, Tyler,” I whisper, and then I allow myself a moment of weakness. I cup his cheeks and memorise those eyes before leaning in and kissing him softly. “I will always love you, Daddy, and maybe we could have been something magnificent, but we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe our time will come again, maybe it won’t, but I will never forget the love and happiness I found with you. Even if I knew it would end in such pain, I would do it all over again just to have you… I forgive you, Tyler Phillips, and I love you.” I kiss him once more, our tears mingling in our goodbye, and then pull away before grabbing my bag and leaving him there on his knees.
Begging.
I feel him staring at me, his tears still wetting my cheeks and his taste lingering on my lips—his heart in my hands.
I shattered his already broken heart, but now I finally have closure.
I can finally move on with my life. I can finally become who I am inside.
No more games, no more hiding or embarrassment.
Life is too short not to live in every single second of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. To embrace it all and the lessons it offers you. Because I will never be that girl or as young as I was in that moment.
And life, life is so fleeting. Look at how quickly Justin’s was taken.
No, life is a beautiful, ugly mess, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Tyler
I’ve really lost her. It’s really over.
Even though it hurts, I know she’s right. This isn’t the right time. We would be going back to each other because it was easy, familiar, and less painful than being apart. I made sure she got home okay, and then I headed home myself.
I don’t plan on losing Lexi forever. She’s still the one, but she’s right, it’s the wrong time. So I will make sure I’m ready at the right time. If losing Justin has taught me one thing, it’s that life is too precious, too fragile.
I won’t lose her the way I lost him.
First, I need to get my life back on track. Get back to work to build a future that she can be a part of when she’s ready. I’ll be waiting because Lex is my future, I know that. She just can’t be my present, but that’s okay. I’ll be waiting, ready for when she is as well.
Because I love her, more than I have ever loved anything in this world.
I know next time we’re together, it will be the start of forever, and I will be ready. My angel will get her wings back, and she will fly high. I will never ground her, hurt her, or leave her again.
Lexi is mine.
The next week passes in a blur. I throw myself into work and buying a new house. This one has too many memories, both good and bad, but it feels like a memorial to all that I’ve lost. I need a fresh start, a new beginning. Preserving Justin’s room like a tomb won’t help me. Every time I walk past, all it does is hurt and block the good memories.
He’s gone, but I can never forget him. His room is just a place, he lives on in my heart and always will.
Instead of just purchasing a house, I spend my nights and free time designing one—for me, for us, for her. Her perfect dream home with everything she has ever mentioned. I ensure it has a pool, because she likes to swim