after him, my heart in the ground with Justin, as he climbs into his car and speeds away.
I turn, unable to stop myself, as tears stream down my face. I watch him go, but when I turn back, everyone is staring after him too, until their accusing eyes move to me. All of them stare at me, blaming me, until I can almost hear their judgement and thoughts. All but his dad, who watches me with a sad knowing look. Their weighted stares cause me to stumble back, their judgement coating my skin like oil, dripping over me until I can barely breathe or think. Swallowing, my heart hammering and shooting pain through my chest, I glance around before ducking my head and rushing back through the cemetery to the church and my car.
Once there, I rip open the door and slide in, slamming it behind me as I press my head to the wheel. My hands shake as the sobs finally erupt, tearing from me as if flowing from the very depths of my heart. Tears blur my vision, snot drips from my nose, and my lips quiver as broken sounds leave my lips.
I scream and thrash, punching the wheel before wiping at my face, smearing my makeup everywhere, but I don’t care. He left. He walked away like I was nothing, leaving me there to face the consequences of my actions.
He left.
It’s a broken chant that my heart repeats until I can’t take it anymore. I wipe my face with shaky fingers before brushing strands of stray hair back to be able to see.
I start the engine and reverse, barely looking at where I’m going.
In fact, I don’t remember most of the drive, but I’m home, and when I see my door is finally fixed, I slide down the hallway wall, staring at it with tears streaming down my face. He fixed my door. I mentioned before…before Justin’s death that it still wasn’t hanging right after it was hung after Justin broke it, and now it’s fixed. Even on the worst day of his life, he got someone here to fix my door, to make sure I was safe. Sitting there sobbing, I start to shiver in the cold, so I stumble to my feet, move to the door, unlock it, and shut it behind me.
I see the new security system, and a sob lodges in my throat—even now, he’s protecting me.
I rush down the corridor, stumbling on my heels before stopping halfway to rip them off. I throw them with a scream, watching as they sail through the air. One smashes through the plaster of the wall before falling to the floor.
Uncaring, I march down the corridor and into the bathroom, stripping as soon as I’m there. My black dress pools on the ground at my feet, forgotten just like me.
Tears still fall as I climb into the shower and flick it on, flinching at the cold spray as I press my hands to the wall and sob. I let the sound of the cascading water drown out my pain.
But it’s too much. I feel like I’m being ripped apart as I slide to the floor of the shower and curl into my body, heaving with sobs.
He left me.
My Tyler is gone…and all that’s left is the memory of us.
Hours later, I’m over being hurt. Now I’m just numb and lonely. More than that, I need to move, to do something, to get out of my head and forget, so I make a stupid, split-second decision. I get dressed and rush out to the club, wanting to forget my problems, reverting back to my old ways.
Find love in a stranger’s arms.
I dance to the thumping music, throwing myself into it so I don’t have to think, to feel. The pounding bass drowns out even the pounding of my heart. Hands crawl across my curves from all sides, but I close my eyes and ignore them. I just move, just feel the music, the touches, and revel in not being alone.
He left.
It echoes through my heart like an accusation, so I down another drink and dance harder, letting the music conceal my fear and pain.
But then there’s a whistle and a scuffle, and when I open my eyes, I meet Allegra’s gaze. I stare at her. My pulse is pounding from dancing, sweat slicks my body, and I feel the dirty warmth left behind from strangers’ groping hands…and it’s still not enough. One look at her, and it