shifting into what my family called my know-it-all look, but I honestly can’t help it. I know when I’m right. “When’s your birthday?”
“It was in January.”
“Mine’s in March.”
He cocks one dark eyebrow. There’s a little hole above and below it, as if it’s been pierced. I wonder what that feels like, having a needle poke through your skin like that. I’d never felt a needle at all until this year, when I went and got all my vaccinations done after enrolling in grad school. It was a big move for me. I almost laugh. What hasn’t been a big move for me? “Okay.”
“I’ll be twenty-six this year.” I give him a smile. “And since you like numbers, here’s some math. Forty-three minus twenty-six equals seventeen.”
He grins behind his beer and I love that look. It tilts his nostrils up and cuts a dimple into one cheek, so deep I can see it through his beard. The whole look’s positively devilish. I want that. Whatever’s behind that look. Whatever a body and face and brain like that can give me. I don’t want the boring Jeds and creepy Scotts and bossy Brians of the world. I don’t want any of the guys I’ve gone out with. I want him.
But does he want me?
Everything inside me sinks to the floor. Of course not. It’s not age holding him back. It’s that he’s not interested. Fool. That word floats around again, judgy and mean, but so honest it hurts.
No. Not honest. It’s a relic from the past is what it is.
Honesty would be getting all the facts. Honesty would be telling him everything.
Do I have to? A voice whines from the back of my head. I wouldn’t be here today if I’d listened to that voice.
“I liked the kiss.” The words tumble out. “Did you not like it?”
The smile disappears from his face. He’s all dark energy, thrumming so hard I can feel it where our knees touch. Neither of us seems to be breathing.
“I liked it.” He sets down his beer. “I just don’t think I’m the right person for you.”
I give a little nod, though there’s nothing acquiescent about it. If he knew me better, he’d get that I’m trying to find another way in.
“Am I the right person for you?”
The surprised-sounding laugh he lets out must be involuntary, but he doesn’t stifle it. I get the impression he enjoys it when I make him laugh.
“I think you like me as much as I like you.”
“Yeah?” Oh, his eyes are glimmering now, something wicked and fierce in their depths. I want to unleash it, to see how that feels.
Keeping my gaze glued to his, I nod.
“What makes you say that?”
“Because you’re here.”
One massive shoulder lifts in a shrug. “We’re neighbors. You’re having me over for pizza.”
“You sit around eating pizza and drinking beer with your daughter’s friends?”
“Hell, no.” He shakes his entire body as if the mere thought gives him the willies. “Never.” He shoots me a look. “You’re sneaky.”
“I’m right.”
Slowly, carefully, he puts down his beer. “About what?”
“I knew a kiss from you would be amazing.”
“Yeah?” His eyes narrow. They’re so black, I can’t tell the difference between iris and pupil. It doesn’t matter. I want to dive in and discover all his dark thoughts.
“Yeah.”
“You think about it before the other night?”
I bite my lip and nod.
His gaze lingers on my mouth before sliding back up to my eyes. “What do you want from me, Jerusha of the Valley?”
“I want you to show me everything.”
Shock widens his eyes, his pupils blowing up to engulf every bit of warm brown. “You don’t even know what that means.”
I’ve never felt excitement like this. Even taking the bus here from the Shenandoah Valley wasn’t nearly this…big. I’m breathing hard and fast, feeling wild and fierce.
“No. But I want you to show me.”
“Fine.” He stands, forcing me to tilt back my head.
For a few wide-eyed seconds, I expect him to pull down his zipper, maybe force himself into my mouth.
I’m so nervous, I can’t even tell if I want that or not. How would I respond? There’s a curiosity running through me. A dangerous curiosity, my parents called it. And I guess they were right, because this situation is exactly what they’d wanted me to avoid.
Here I am, running headlong at it. Choosing the danger.
It’s a relief when he bends for his can and his plate and carries them to the kitchen. I follow slowly, trying to figure out if my brain’s functioning correctly