Cursive - By Phoebe Lane Page 0,23

I left Texas, but I didn’t exactly elaborate."

"Aislynn…" Ellie said shaking her head in reprimand.

"I know, I know. I'm just not ready to tell him. I'm not ready to speak much about it. How am I supposed to approach it with him? Besides, I can tell he has his own demons he's not talking about."

"Stop trying to read him. It's annoying," Ellie said, walking over to Aislynn and giving her a hug. "That's why people hate shrinks, you know?" Ellie said softly in her ear and chuckled.

They had always been good at interjecting humor into serious conversations. Humor was, after all, a very mature defense mechanism. It allowed people to guard themselves against overwhelming anxiety and other intense emotions that are hard to tolerate.

"I know. Never mention you're a psychiatrist at a party or in a plane. People will avoid you or tell you their life story, and then ask for advice. It can make for a very long plane ride."

"Or they ask you to read their future. Remember that guy at the bar?" Ellie asked.

"I never thought I would have to explain to someone the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychic. Poor idiot."

"Anyway, back to the heavy stuff," Ellie said, walking her back to the sofa. "You can't leave. It's time for you to start dealing with this thing. You say you still think about Christopher, and you finally want to get over what happened? Then here's your opportunity. Deal with it. Really learn to move on."

"I'd be lying if I said I'm completely over Christopher, but really the thing that still gets to me is the pain of how things ended between us. Getting involved with someone else isn't going to help me get over it. That's not how I want to do things with Jace. I don't want him to feel like he's the overdue rebound guy. He deserves more than that."

"I agree, but I think it would help if you try your luck at real life again. You know, life with drama, commitments, relationships, let downs, and happy moments. You’re starting to venture out into real life with Jace, and it feels good, doesn’t it?" Aislynn hesitantly nodded in agreement. "I know this is disgustingly cliché, but I think he's good for you. You deserve something positive happening in your life after everything you've been through. Don't run away from the opportunity, please," Ellie said.

Don't punish yourself anymore, even if you deserve it.

Hearing Ellie talk about the way she had been disconnected from life made Aislynn suddenly realize how truly isolated she had become over the last year. With choosing to live a nomadic lifestyle, basically, she had cut ties with most of her friends, her family, and even her profession. Her goal had never been to become a recluse for the rest of her life, but that’s exactly where she was headed.

"You're right," Aislynn finally said with a sigh. "I've said it before. You'd make a great therapist."

"Ugh, yuck, no. I wouldn't be able to hold myself back from telling people they were being complete morons."

"Some people need to hear that once in a while, though. It's therapeutic. Case in point…" Aislynn said, pointing at herself.

"Okay, so we agree you're not leaving, right?" Aislynn nodded. "I really think this was your brain finally shutting down from lack of sleep. It's been almost a week, Aislynn."

"I know. This isn't healthy. Sleep deprivation can make you do really crazy things."

"All right, how about we do this then—let’s order some food, stuff our faces, and then you can take one of those God awful sleeping pills? I promise to watch you tonight and stop you from doing something weird in your sleep again. I'll lock the door and hide the car keys."

"Oh, this is why I love you!" Aislynn said, holding Ellie in a tight bear hug.

After two nights of consistent sleep with medication, Aislynn stopped having nightmares and restored her normal sleep pattern. She was then able to think more clearly about the things Ellie had brought up about her life and the future.

One night, as she struggled to write a section of her novel where the main character spoke about blame and taking responsibilities for one’s actions, it became crystal clear to Aislynn that she carried an incredible amount of guilt for her role in how her relationship with Christopher had ended.

And that guilt was something she wasn't ready to deal with.

"Wow, you sound much better," Jace said on the phone.

"I know. I'm sleeping like